"Why am I writing a blog?"
Great question.
I am passionate about writing as a form of expression. To be able to convey emotions and ideas that challenge people regarding the way they think and behave. There is no right or wrong. Nobody has the definitive answer in life (or anything really); its about exposing ourselves to as much as we can so we can make an informed decision about what feels right for us.
My desire with this blog is to do just that. Challenge our mind-set. Firstly, I have no intention of hurting or harming people with my words. If it happens its because I have potentially touched on something personal to you; but my intention with my writing is just as I live my life - to make a positive impact. So everything I write about comes from a place of love.
The idea is to create a society where we listen more. Work towards understanding one another rather than judging. Share ideas and talk about how we all see things differently. Embrace our differences as fantastic opportunities for growth.
The beauty of writing in this blog is that I will be able to share an entire thought or experience from start to finish instead of how normal conversations go back and forth. I will be able to take you on a journey and sometimes we may laugh, other times cry. But ultimately? It's about pushing ourselves to become the great human beings we are all capable of being. It's even in the name - "be"
Nothing I write is scripture. It's my point of view and experiences of this grand life. Take from it what you will. Discuss your point of view or questions - I may just learn something new from you too.
Most importantly - let's have fun!
It’s been a while since I posted here. Life seems to be charging ahead at a rate of knots right now, and it’s almost the end of 2023.
The intention behind this post is not to say goodbye, but to invite you to continue the journey over at Andrew 365.
I started my writing days with Renaissance Guy back in April 2016, a time when Jacob Zuma was still South Africa’s President, the Springboks were in the doldrums reaching an all-time low of 7th in the world rankings; I was still living in Cape Town in my 10th year; and I was also still working at Distell – my final corporate job.
Since then, I have left corporate; climbed Table Mountain every day for a year; lived in San Francisco, New York, and Asheville; got married; been paid as a professional copywriter; worked in Wilderness Therapy; lived through a pandemic; lost loved ones; fallen into a deep depression; and now stand on the precipice of owning a company that embodies Ubuntu — dedicated to providing experiential learning for others to feel Ubuntu’s overwhelming sense of connectedness that brings.
A simple African philosophy that asks us to be our Best Selves, while remaining committed to being in Service to Our Community.
If you’re tired of feeling disconnected – I invite you to join me on my new website.
If you’re overwhelmed by the challenges of the world – join me.
If you’re looking to expand your heart and connect with people on a deeper level – head over and subscribe to Andrew 365.
I’ve learned that it’s through community that we grow the most.
I’d like to thank YOU – a subscriber who has found a measure of value in my writing. In a world dominated by attention, I truly appreciate that you take the time to read my way of expressing what I see and learn. Our lives are intertwined with what scholars call the Heroes Journey. A journey that we all relate to because it’s our destiny on this incredible blue planet. For those of you who missed it in previous articles, here’s the picture below:
What’s overlooked, though, in this arc – is that once the Hero returns, the final phase is to teach what they learned.
Teach.
I know I am here to Master not just what to teach, but how.
We live in an information overload, and what we all desperately need, is learning how to turn knowledge into Wisdom. Wisdom, to me, is the Practiced Knoweldge. Working in Wilderness Therapy for one of the wildest years of my life (in every sense that wild represents) gave me the greatest lesson I’ve learned to date. It is not our knowledge that we share with others that helps them transform – it is our capacity to sit with them in their struggles and help them find the answers themselves.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t claim to be anybody’s savior but my own. What I do have is a Mastery of facing challenges head-on with patience, perseverance, and passion. I have tested my beliefs and my ideas about how I think the world can be a better place. And most of my ideas in my youth, while well-intentioned, were about rescuing others and misguided.
You have demonstrated patience and perseverance by joining me as I learned, grew, adapted, and adjusted to learning new information.
For 7 years and 7 months, this website has been my medium to learn to express myself. Renaissance Guy represented the very best of an ideology to grow and be more than I was at the age of 36. Now I’m 44 with a deeper understanding of how to help and not rescue; how important a loving community is for development; and what can happen when we dare to find out what we’re capable of.
It’s scary. Challenging. Overwhelming at times. Even debilitating.
But the sun rises again. Spring follows the harshest winter. And the right people help us laugh no matter how bad our current circumstance is.
Perhaps you already have that community. I invite you to introduce one more person to that circle – it may just save their life.
If not, and you’re happy with what you’re hearing and reading with me, I hope you’ll join me at Andrew 365 and sign up for a weekly or bimonthly newsletter designed to inform, inspire, introduce, and ignite by:
If you unsubscribe from my mailing list, I know there is someone else out there with more to offer you. I am deeply grateful for your time, and in the spirit of Ubuntu – I wish you great learning on your journey ahead. May you discover what you’re capable of. And may you become part of a community that teaches strengths and works on growth.
Do you find yourself cursing another’s stupidity for obviously failing to see the truth?
Do you ever shake your head in disbelief at someone with opposing views?
Maybe you hear about someone’s criminal behavior and decry “throw away the key”?
I know I have.
I have been blessed with a life path of teaching to develop an innate ability to see things at a higher level that are perhaps connected in a way that others don’t see. My brain loves patterns (which is maybe why I was born into a family that’s surname is PATTERsoN).
I’ve been on a 43-year journey to understand suffering, growth, transformation, and love. As a youngster, I believed I had the solutions to so many challenges being faced in the world. I’m grateful for that deep desire to see pain and wish to support others and remove it.
I’m also grateful that I was naive. That no matter what, I also followed my heart being spoken to by my soul to go on the hero’s journey to understand better how to communicate what I’ve learned.
Today is one of those days that a magical awareness to share happened.
Why Cancel Culture is Toxic
For the past year, I have been in the dirt, learning to work with kids in Wilderness Therapy. SUWS of the Carolinas was a program dedicated to giving to that otherwise had been given up on – another shot at redemption. Today I’m going to share the full circle of one of our many success stories.
To maintain privacy, certain elements have been tweaked and names changed. I choose to use the plural pronouns they/them/their because this story represents each and every student that’s gone through the program.
The student in question is *Malcolm.
Today Malcolm graduated from their second wilderness program after SUWS was shut down 56 days into their stay. They arrived because of a court order following felony charges.
After another 55 days in their second program – today, they graduated having completed 111 days of wilderness therapy. A truly remarkable feat.
Here’s the thing – they didn’t just graduate. They’ve used their opportunity to work on their anger, poor coping mechanisms, lack of emotional control, and disobedience. Instead of going to jail, their actions at both programs have seen the court drop the charges. When all boarding schools rejected any notion of enrolling them – they now had options to choose from to continue working and get back to school.
To say I’m proud is like admiring the most beautiful vista Earth has to offer and saying “that’s nice.”
Embodying Forgiveness & Providing Support.
I’d love to say Malcolm simply arrived and breezed through every aspect of therapy and wilderness. But change takes time. If you’ve been angry for years, a couple of days of therapy don’t just erase those emotional responses triggered when threatened.
Even with the knowledge they were facing jail time, they had two incidents with peers and my co-staff that almost got them kicked out and straight into the 6×8 cell. In one case, they physically attacked another student, and when staff intervened – attacked them too.
I can go into their personal traumas that, now having the ability to separate actions from the person, give you perspective into where their anger comes from. How long its been brewing within them. How embedded in their physiology, it was that it became second nature. Take my word – they are things people shouldn’t endure, and let’s keep going.
At SUWS, there was their therapist Julia, two field directors, a program director, three logistics staff, a nurse, a psychiatrist, the CEO, and between 15 to 20 field staff living with them in the wilderness, working daily to provide guidance, support, love, compassion, hold boundaries, and facilitating debriefings after flare-ups.
I want to interject here that the goal was never to create “good” little boys and girls. The objective was to provide a safe space for them to have their natural reactions, allow time to cool down, discuss what happened, plan for the next time, and then practice getting better and using grounding techniques and coping skills. Slowly but surely, chipping away at the layers of marble around them to reveal their inner David.
What Michaelangelo’s David looks like finishedSome more of Michaelangelo’s ‘work in progress’ with marble still around the sculpture
Each one of those people you read above had all the students central to everything we did. It took a village to help this child reconnect to their true essence and let go of destructive behaviors and patterns led by an outstanding therapist.
After the second incident, though, our CEO had enough and wanted to kick them out. Enter our rockstar therapist, who believed wholeheartedly there was progress and that Malcolm deserved another chance and desperately wanted to keep them out of jail.
Malcolm turned a corner, and with some truly magnificent pieces of instructing that I was privileged to witness, Malcolm started realizing the magnitude of the consequences and listened to all of us to change the trajectory of their life. Needing to be separated from the group, Malcolm had a dedicated Master Instructor, Lee-Ann supporting them, and the corner was turned.
The Power of Ubuntu In Action
I was with Malcolm, too, when we shared the news of SUWS closing down, which they took extremely well, especially considering it directly affected their treatment plan to avoid jail, and was immediately more worried about us — the staff — and that we’d be out of a job.
Just before hearing the news that SUWS was being closed down, my friend Scott gave me a book, Everyday Ubuntu: Living Better Together, The African Way by Mungi Ngubane. Knowing I only had two shifts left, something stirred in my soul to bring it with me to work and share with the students.
I had the privilege of working both those shifts with Malcolm, the last of which I both requested the group to work specifically with Malcolm and requested my co-staff, too, to really go out by being the Buffalo. My co-staff Kayla was the one attacked by Malcolm. Again, something inside me spurred to do this, knowing we had the chance to face a potentially challenging situation and turn it into an opportunity for healing and transformation.
Buffalo’s face storms when they come – and charge into them to reduce the amount of time being uncomfortable.
Armed with my book, a phenomenal conversation with the therapist on what to focus on, and honest conversations about how Kayla felt about my request — we headed into the lion’s den.
I had an opportunity to facilitate healing between Malcolm and Kayla and a safe space to discuss what happened the last time they’d worked together. They both showed courage and humility to listen and express themselves clearly. Most importantly, Malcolm had an opportunity to show them with their actions. Talk is cheap. I’ve heard more promises broken than a campaign trail. I watch actions.
Without hesitation, Malcolm expressed regret about what they’d done last time and, looking Kayla in the eyes, said, “I’ve changed since then, and I want to show you with my actions that I’ve learned from that and can be better.”
I also had the chance to choose our adventure that week, and I chose an arduous 12-mile hike over three days — which, between only four people meant extra weight on our backs to carry. The hikes themselves were a challenge alone, but on day one, we faced an awful day of rain as we hiked over a mountain to get to our campsite… drenched. After six hours, we made it to camp, but there was no complaining. No passive-aggressive behavior. No snide remarks. When you overcome challenges together, you build bonds that become unspoken. The trust developed because we all know what we just went through, climbs any wall or barrier ahead. Instead, we huddled around a fire to get dry and share stories, and laugh.
My favorite moment at that campsite was watching Malcolm get help from a peer that expressed safety concerns with Malcolm — and offer to help them carry water from the creek.
My heart almost burst open, as they arrived back laughing together.
Full Circle… Becoming the Buffalo.
At the end of 56 days and at SUWS’s final graduation ceremony, Malcolm’s mother came up to me to thank me for my part in helping them. I was promptly blown away when she said to me, “and I bought that Ubuntu Book. I’ve started reading it and I’ve already read some really powerful stories.”
Malcolm had written letters about learning about Ubuntu, and she’d bought it for the family. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the mom brought it with her to give to Malcolm on the way to the second treatment program. Not only did Malcolm finish reading the whole book — but they started reading it to their peers.
They learned a valuable lesson too, as the peers seemed disinterested time after time when they read to them. Sharing this with their therapist, they wanted to stop reading to them. They were encouraged to keep trying, and guess what, that night, the students asked, “when are you going to read to us from your Ubuntu Book?”
I’ve always wanted to help people. But who knew this little insecure boy from Johannesburg, 13’346km away (8’341.2 mi), would later be able to teach African culture to troubled kids in the wilderness of North Carolina, and actually help them in their cocoon of transformation and begin the arduous journey to break free, spread their wings…..and fly.
When SUWS closed, Malcolm explored therapeutic boarding schools — only to be declined because of the history of violence. Fast forward 55 days — and they had options and were able to control their future by choosing their next step. THAT, is becoming the Buffalo. Facing the hard truths, knowing the road is difficult, accepting where they were, and having the courage to face their storm and get through it.
Now I’d like you to go back to the start and read my initial questions to you, having just read this.
I want you to picture the Republican if you’re a Democrat (or visa versa), Christian if you’re Islam or Jewish (or any combination of that), vaxxed or unvaxxed, any person that is “different” to you in appearance, faith, criminals, state, country, politics — or beliefs for that matter — and think about what you’ve just read about in terms of one of the greatest transformations I’ve been privileged to witness and experience in 111 days.
Do you still think we should dismiss them as “less than”? Or do you think we’ve missed the point of taking time to get to know them?
Archbishop Desmond Tutu said, “If you want peace, speak with your enemies – not your friends.”
It’s time we start living the universal values of forgiveness and love and step out of fear — just because someone thinks differently doesn’t mean they should be feared. The answer to all challenges is not silencing, canceling, de-platforming, shunning, shaming, blocking. It’s a deeper connection, greater awareness, compassion, understanding, love, and communication — action words.
Watch how easily you find yourself dismissing someone or something you hear in the news or from friends. The real test of courage going forward, though — will be speaking up when a loved one, friend, or colleague is dismissive.
As I’ve learned, sometimes a simple question can shift someone’s awareness. That’s all it takes. Planting seeds of love in the minds of those living in fear will begin to sprout when more people start to water that seed with more love, instead of staying hidden under their own layers of dirt.
Jessie told me a beautiful quote recently, “Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” ~ Christine Caine
Let’s plant some seeds.
If Talk Is Cheap, What Can I DO Next?
Firstly, be kind to yourself, and give yourself some grace to practice a new way of sharing compassion abundantly. Understand that with Love & Intention – Anything is possible.
Here are some recommendations on what you can do to become a beacon of light, creating waves of change in our communities and helping others like Malcolm change the trajectory of their lives:
Recognize that we don’t know everything, and we certainly don’t know what we don’t know. It’s okay to be wrong today too, because with knowledge gained today, we are better prepared for tomorrow.
Learn to Separate the behavior from the person. I highly recommend watching “I am a killer” to practice
When something is different from your way of thinking, investigate and ask questions why someone thinks differently to you? Watch how quick and easy it is to judge, dismiss, and mock others.
Register to take this course from Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, with his Constructive Dialogue Institute. It has incredibly well-done questions ranging from gun control to abortion that help give context and perspective to see the other side.
Seek out people who differ in opinions from you and ask if they would like to discuss their side
Learn to Active Listen – repeat back to someone what they’ve said so you can see if you heard (and understand them) correctly.
Be honest about what you know, and be curious to learn more about why someone thinks the way they think instead of being hyper-focused on WHAT they think. Learn to get context by understanding someone else’s life experience that’s shaped their worldview.
In 111 days, Malcolm went from potentially spending 35 years in jail, receiving wilderness therapy as a lifeline, almost throwing away that opportunity twice, being rejected by all boarding schools even after completing 56 days at SUWS, becoming appreciative to learn about another cultures way of building community, teaching that to other students, and finally graduating and being able to pick their next therapeutic school to continue their transformation. Yes, Malcolm has done amazing work, but they need to continue with their momentum to fully escape the bonds of anger and make it all the way through the next storm.
What could you do in 111 days with compassion, love, forgiveness, perseverance, dedication, and courage?
You could change someone’s life. Including yours.
That’s what.
For anyone in the USA reading this and wishing to chat with Julia about how she and Trails can help them and their child – please reach out by clicking HERE
The final ceremonyfor existing and previous staff.
I’ve now experienced being in a company that got liquidated; laid off because of a company restructure; lost contract work because sales were down; and most recently laid off due to the parent company closing SUWS of the Carolinas down.
I think I have the bingo of job loss now!
This post is intended to share:
The pain of going through a company closing & processing getting laid off
Learning the difference between help and rescuing others
Understanding of the power of time
How to take ownership of your circumstances
The power of expression versus identity
I’ve been pondering the recent closing of SUWS of the Carolinas – a company that I spent almost 3,000 hours in 1 year due to the nature of how we served children by living in the wilderness with them. In case you’re wondering, SUWS stands for School of Urban and Wilderness Skills. My work afforded me the opportunity to have a front-row seat in understanding the challenges kids are going through. Some of them are the eternal struggle against doing what your parents ask, learning to become adults, figuring out who they are and what values hold true for them, as well as the additional pressures covid and the lockdowns created socially.
It represented a microcosm of the world’s challenges.
The closing of the company also represents a microcosm of what I believe is wrong with society and how challenges are being faced. SUWS of the Carolinas provided a level of care, love, support, space, and time for all who walked through their doors to heal, grow, and master their emotions through communication and powerful coping skills. Not just the kids benefited – speaking for myself – I know how much I healed from depression, exploded my confidence, and embedded the difference between rescuing and helping people.
The Difference Between Rescuing & Helping People
Sadly, I learned that my natural response to another’s suffering or challenges was to rescue them – not actually help. I had to practice pausing before responding to any situation to ask what would really help the other person at this moment. I don’t believe there are many malicious people in the world genuinely trying to cause others harm – and reading Jonathan Haidt’s book,The Coddling of the American Mind:How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are setting up a Generation for Failure, it’s easy to see why so many people blame others for their misfortune and give away their power to heal.
Even with all the love and support that SUWS gave, the hardest part was watching some kids avoid taking responsibility for how they move forward in life. What I’ ve learned about giving opportunities to people who have none: Ensure that they understand the success of any opportunity given to you depends on what YOU make of it. Simply put – if you stop breathing and die, is it the oxygen’s fault? The opportunity of a lifetime needs to be taken within the lifetime of that opportunity.
Even with dedicated support 24/7 from some of the most incredible human beings I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, all our words meant nothing if the kids didn’t start to believe their worth themselves. The point wasn’t to tell them how amazing they are or special just because… we used what they DID to get them to see that. Imagine living in the wilderness for 60-90 days? These incredible kids did something 99.9% of adults would avoid – AND they flourished. My favorite line to a kid saying “I can’t do this” was breaking the news to them that, “I’m sorry to say you’re wrong – because you already ARE doing this having been for (insert number of days)”
What SUWS did for me was pressure test my beliefs, my skills, and my humility. When you work in the wilderness, you don’t get to go home at the end of the day, decompress, and sleep in a bed. You don’t get to drive home and disconnect from the stress of the day. As someone that values alone time, I was lucky to get 30 minutes a day.
Genuinely helping people can only happen at the same level to which you are prepared to help yourself. The more challenging circumstances you are willing to go through, the easier it is to help others. Not because you know more than them – but because you’ve done more.
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand
Confucius
SUWS helped teach kids how to turn challenges into wisdom. How to solve problems. How to communicate what they felt more than “I’m fine” and gave them opportunities to practice dealing with being uncomfortable every day and then how to keep operating in a community through that discomfort. SUWS was actually an Ubuntu incubator. It taught us how to be our best selves while being in service to our little community, as well as seeing how you benefit from others too.
Change Takes Time – Even Nature Gradually Moves Between Seasons
I was privileged to witness incredible transformations in kids. Imagine going from swearing every second word, disrespecting everyone in the group, doing the bare minimum for 49 days – then seeing your mom at a parent workshop and realizing how much you miss her, so you start doing what the instructors and your therapist have been telling you since day one. Then in your second half, you reconnect with your true essence and leave SUWS as one of only 3 students I’ve seen out of 61 to truly graduate – that is to complete their phase work, the equivalent of a growth book identifying new skills to learn, master, and then uplevel.
We dealt with kids that other programs kicked out, boarding schools rejected, or that courts ordered them to complete to avoid jail. They were society ‘discards,’ most likely given up on – when what they needed wasn’t less attention – it was more. The family lives I participated in helping to change will live with me forever. But more importantly – that change lives on forever in each of those families as they understand what taking personal responsibility and accepting help means and how to support your family going forward.
We crave a pill to solve our weight challenges – instead of building the discipline every day to eat and exercise.
We want instant success in business – instead of listening to our internal voice to build something of value that takes time.
We want instant fame and millions of followers – instead of serving our community and being known for what we do.
SUWS taught me why – even the best-intentioned Trump haters – do exactly what they hate about racists. Or bigots. Or misogynists. I learned that Trump, his haters, and his admirers all need the same thing; they need to heal, and be given time, care, attention, love, and space to learn about themselves. It takes time to understand what someone else has been through that now shapes who they are.
Just ask Daryl Davis, considering he’s helped 200 KKK clansmen over 30 years leave the organization. And he’s black. But it’s so much easier to label a problem like “toxic Masculinity” when actually it’s far more complex and down to the individual person – who most likely is toxic from hate, neglect, abuse, trauma, or all combined. A wise friend told me, “Masculinity isn’t anything in and of itself. A man can choose to be toxic, just as a woman can be toxic herself and view masculinity that way. That doesn’t mean masculinity is the cause.” I had to be careful to separate cause and effect when working with kids – actually even my co-staff – because it’s easy to slip into branding a person by their behavior. I had to learn to treat each child based on what THEIR needs were – no matter how similar their patterns of behavior were to mine or anyone else’s.
It takes time to get to know people.
It takes time to heal.
It takes time to learn.
It takes time to master.
It takes time to think.
It takes time to build a life.
Pressure Testing My Beliefs & Understanding Why Others Believe What They Do
As SUWS so valuably taught me, even though I may know I’m good at something – doesn’t mean I’m in the best position to help someone else. In every one of my 24 shifts, I was asked the question, “How much DO you believe in the power of challenges?” with all 61 kids I worked with. It is no good if you cannot explain something so someone else can understand you.
For example, it’s one thing for me to embrace challenges as the only way to move forward and grow; it’s another to teach others to see it that way too and push through those challenges without giving up. It’s yet another to maintain composure, love, kindness, care, and calm when the very person you trying to help is ignoring you, hates you, despises you, thinks you’re an idiot, curses at you, and even physically attack you. The wisest words SUWS embedded in my brain from day one was, Learn to separate the person from the actions.
Everything is a choice – and I had to choose to see each child as the most necessary human ever born and see their negative behavior as a cry for help. I had to live the motto, if you fall down 10 times – get up 11. I was never proved wrong either that the power of consistent kindness and love routed in genuine help will always overcome any trauma.
These kids learned how capable they really are. They discovered perseverance they never knew existed.
Identity versus Expression
Last but certainly not least, I developed an even greater understanding of learning to see things like success or failure, male and female, extrovert or introvert, as expressions of what we’re capable of, instead of wrapping it into our identity. I understand why so many children are depressed – part of it is that they are told to identify as (insert any number of things).
Making your job (as an example) your whole identity is a catastrophe when you no longer work in that role. However, seeing something, like your role, as an expression of what you’re capable of suddenly changes that whole dynamic. I lived it when I was climbing the mountain every day for a year and, coming to the end, was told, “You’ll be depressed when you’re not on the mountain climbing anymore.” I had time to think about why that would be? My realization was, yes – if my identity were wrapped up in being on the mountain, then, of course, not being on it would cause issues. I’d probably get wrapped up in becoming the challenge guy and move on to the next challenge to feed my self-worth. But seeing my yearly climbs as an expression of what I can do became a new way to ask myself a better question for growth, “What am I capable of now?”
Just like SUWS closing down doesn’t impact my self-worth of what I’m capable of – it actually gives me another opportunity to ask that question, knowing what I was capable of holding space for others in extreme conditions to have their own “AHA” moments. It’s why I’m building programs for adults to have their own experiences.
One of the kids was looking for a weakness in me and thought he could get under my skin by throwing away something I love – my walking stick. I promptly walked across to it and threw it even further into the forest. He was shocked and asked why I did that?! My answer was simple.
I made that walking stick – the walking stick doesn’t make me. I can make another one.
He never touched it again.
Why SUWS Was The Greatest Company to Work for & Now Emmulate
Every single employee at SUWS was solely focused on putting the kids at the center of everything we do to help them heal and grow. SUWS gave me words for ideas I could never formulate. SUWS taught me why structure is so valuable. SUWS helped me practice what I know I can do in a way that allowed me to make mistakes to highlight my weak spots and areas for growth to work on. SUWS taught me how to communicate my feelings with intention, how to link how I’m feeling to my values and a choice to move forward, it taught me to be a better active listener, it taught me to ask if someone’s open to feedback and ready for it, it taught me how to therapeutically understand another’s challenges and how to help them overcome it. It taught me how to explain why you do something and the value it gives if you genuinely want buy-in.
The Feelings wheel that better explains how you feel at a deeper level.
As our Program Director, Colin Walsh, said on our last day, “The fire of SUWS may have gone out. But each of you are the coals that will go and spread a new fire using the same intention and care that SUWS represented.”
Again – just like all opportunities – without hard work and preparation to nurture that coal by collecting the necessary materials to build it up – we decide how much effort goes into starting the new fire so that we can spend less time rushing around trying to keep it alive.
Every morning before breakfast and after handwash gratefuls, we finished with the Serenity Prayer:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I recently learned three more lines in the prayer I wish we had said further. I think this is the perfect way to finish this off:
Living one day at a time
Enjoying one moment at a time
Accepting that hardships are the pathway to peace.
I feel disappointed in the decision to close SUWS, as well as motivated by the opportunities that the next chapter brings for me.
A belief about myself is that I always grow through challenges and become a better man for the experience. No matter how difficult at the time – it always works out in the end. My choice is to focus on what SUWS did for me instead of purely focusing on the grief I have for the lack of opportunity other kids and staff will have to become their best selves. My choice is to continue supporting others on their journey as we relentlessly try to create the kind of world that embodies Ubuntu. An African philosophy that teaches us how to live better together. I highly recommend reading, Everyday Ubuntu if you’d like to learn about the 14 Principles.
We didn’t help these kids because we sat around talking about their faults, how clever we were to know them and point them out; we were taught to get stuck in and sit in the dirt and darkness with them, knowing that being a guiding light means you’re only visible in the dark. Desmond Tutu said it best, “If you want peace. Speak to your enemies – not your friends.”
Being a Senior Wilderness Therapy Guide is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But SUWS taught me that the harder the effort, the equal reward awaits in accomplishment and fulfillment too.
Let’s all help each other, by starting with asking ourselves what we’re prepared to change within.
What if every important question you’ve ever had about yourself could be answered by living in the wilderness for four days?
I’ve been working in wilderness therapy now for more than 1,000 hours. The shift work is intense; we live in the wilderness camping, hiking, sleeping, cooking, and even sh!tting in the forest for eight days. The most basic question about self-efficacy stares you down: Do I possess the ability to do difficult things consistently in extreme conditions to achieve the desired outcome?
I’ve answered that question and, more importantly: watch others answering it too.
With only six days off to recharge, I usually have Thursday and Tuesday (we work Wednesday to Wednesday) fully off to recharge. I must admit, that’s not the reason I haven’t written a post in the past four months though.
The real reason?
I’ve been hyper-focused on trying to translate what the benefits of wilderness therapy are for adults. I work with youths aged 10-17, dealing with things as varied as behavioral issues like anger management (something I could’ve used!), trauma-induced personality and social issues, and even depression.
I find myself constantly sucked into the social prescription of trying to deliver “the answer” when I write – instead of just sharing my experiences.
I wrote an article last off shift entitled How the Wilderness has Beautifully Changed My Brain (but never published it) and lying in bed this morning, I had an epiphany about where to start writing: The Basics
What Is Wilderness Therapy?
Wilderness therapy is a mental health treatment strategy for adolescents with maladaptive behaviors. Wilderness programs combine therapy with challenging experiences in an outdoor wilderness environment to “kinetically engage clients on cognitive, affective, and behavioral levels.”
There are other benefits, too, I had a 17-year-old recently explain to me how he finds it difficult to open up to therapists to share his life story.
However, just a few hours earlier, having just met him, he proceeded to share really personal stuff with me in the twenty minutes post being introduced. Naturally, I was confused by this contradiction I experienced, and so I challenged him about it, saying he should consider why that is. He immediately had an answer for me.
“Oh, that’s because here everyone is honest about what they are struggling with. Outside people judge me pretending their lives are perfect, but here I feel comfortable because everyone’s honest.”
This leads me to why I think wilderness therapy is such a powerful tool: Community
The Right Wilderness Therapy Program Provides Community
I consider myself fortunate. I work with a company that is extremely intentional with everything they do. The programmatics for the kids include progressive phase work, like learning hard skills such as how to strike fire with quartz rock and steel, to soft skills like processing their trauma and emotions. The soft skills have the 10 Life skills outlined by the W.H.O.:
Self-awareness
Empathy
Critical thinking
Creative thinking
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Effective communication
Interpersonal relationships
Coping with stress
Coping with emotions
Once students have some weeks of experience stacked up, something else beautiful happens. Without any prompting, a student with similar experiences often raises their hand to mentor a new arrival. It shows how we have an innate ability to recognize someone else going through the same struggles and want to be of service to help them.
It’s been a powerful realization to witness the difference between rescuing someone and helping them. Unfortunately, I’ve realized our first instinct tends to be one of rescue. Actual help is more difficult and takes longer; it’s time to invest in asking questions to understand where someone is on their journey, what they’ve learned, what their commitment is, and how much they believe in their own abilities to take care of themselves.
It’s an expedition mindset that meets Ubuntu
When we eat meals, we sit and share how we’re feeling using a variety of methods that include:
FABC’s – I Feel About … my Belief about myself is…. Finishing off with I Choose x to move forward. An Example, “I feel anxious about today because I don’t know what’s going to happen. A belief about myself is that I value preparation, and my choice is to have an open mind and focus on what IS in my control instead of what isn’t.”
We also have a safety check on a scale of 1-10 on how we feel physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Not only is this helping us all learn to express what we’re experiencing, but how to listen to others and understand why they act the way they do.
The intention creates the space for vulnerability to flourish. And the space is duly supported by the next item: Nature.
The Power of Time in Nature
Deep down, we all know we need more time in nature. Whether on walks, hiking, swimming, or camping — all these activities immerse us in an environment that used to be the norm. Nature tests our willpower and meets us exactly where we’re at and, in every case, helps us learn that we’re more capable than we thought.
Being in nature allows us to disconnect from technology and reconnect with ourselves and our environment. Living immersed in the natural world and waking up under the forest canopy forces you to go at the forest’s pace. This brings us to the next element the wilderness provides: Going back to basics.
Reminding Us How Little We Need
As consumers in a capitalistic society, life has evolved into recommendations for “stuff” to acquire and be happy – but that means there’s always something else “better” to aspire to.
The wilderness strips everything down to the most fundamental element and teaches gratitude.
Sleeping on the ground under basic shelters (no tents – too bulky to carry so use tarps instead)
It poured the entire day at this campsite and I felt really proud that my shelter remained dry.
Eating food that’s easy to carry, doesn’t go off quickly, and easy to cook.
No toilets, you need to dig a cat hole or else carry a bucket with bags to dispose of the waste when leaving the wilderness.
The water you need to pump through a filter to prevent bacteria from multiplying in your stomach.
No chairs; you either sit on the floor or have a crazy creek for minimal back support.
You want it? You must carry it! It truly forces you to weigh up the pro of the comfort provided versus the discomfort of the added weight to carry around.
I thought a bed would be my most missed item (and perhaps true when sleeping on hilly campgrounds), but back home, I’m most grateful for chairs.
Even when it pours with rain, the simple protection offered for everything to be dry inside a structure becomes a blessing. That’s why the only change of clothing I carry every day (in case) is a pair of socks.
But all of these things contribute to the next simple beauty about doing something difficult in the wild: they provide us with a tangible experience to learn from.
”Instead of learning something to do – do something and learn.”
Most of my greatest learning experiences have been pushing the physical limitations of what my body is capable of and, in the process – pushing my mind too. I now understand why the Navy SEALS say, “they use the body to test the mind.” We can hide from mental and emotional challenges (well, we think we can, but it always catches up with us), but physical pain is unavoidable.
When we’re chaffed, our joints hurt, our legs are fatigued, you name it – the physical discomfort forces our emotional and mental baggage to manifest, usually as frustration and impatience.
Experiences are also the best way to embed learning for us as we examine our actions and thought processes, and we even get to see our emotional responses in real-time and have an effective process to share and deal with them in a group setting. This internal reflection prepares us for the world, like our work and how we interact with colleagues. The greater effect of having these experiences helps us make better major life choices, improve our personal relationships, and address our emotional needs.
Imagine a world where people felt empowered to deal with their emotions – and others – as they continually pushed through challenges in their life instead of hiding or running away from them?
I wouldn’t mind living in that world.
How Do We Make This a Better World?
When I was young, I had visions of being part of a wave that positively changed the world. I also had a deep desire to learn about myself and push my capabilities to become the best human I could be.
I never realized they were the same thing.
I only know the world through my lens; therefore, when I change my world – the world changes. Whatever ripples I may have as an impact on others to change their worlds is none of my business nor in my control. Rumi said it best:
“Yesterday I was clever – I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise – so I am changing myself.”
Rumi
As an instructor, I get front-row seats observing human behavior in real time, and I’m always struck by students ignoring our requests to behave with respect, but as soon as someone treats them in a way they don’t like – immediately ask us to make them stop. I can’t make anyone do anything, just like I can’t make you get into the wilderness.
But here’s the interesting thing I’ve learned working with groups. If everyone spent as much time and energy focusing on themselves as they do on others – the group dynamics would be astoundingly better.
We managed to successfully get the students to do this on the 212th day of the year. Not only was it an immaculate day filled with laughter and productivity – but they all slept noticeably better that night too. Some even proclaimed the best night’s sleep of their life.
I imagine that they usually have a layer of toxicity clouding their brain, preventing them from achieving deep restorative sleep. By focusing on themselves throughout the day and what they needed to do and achieving their goals, they didn’t create toxicity through negative interactions.
With eight students – it’s easily demonstratable how choosing to focus on each other splits their energy. It makes so much sense if you work it out like an algebra equation:
With 16 hours in a day (saying we sleep for eight hours), let’s say our body has 16 units of energy to make sure we can get through the day. One unit can be used by a person in an hour.
Now, when you ‘spend’ those units on seven people? Well, 16 units easily get devoured in a little over two hours, meaning there are 14 hours left with minimal energy.
If ever there was a reason to help us focus on our own challenges – this would be it.
Cattle, having been introduced in recent centuries, turn away from the storm and try outrunning it.
That decision means instead of outrunning it, they run with the storm, maximizing the amount of pain, time, and frustration they experience from that storm.
The Buffalo, however, waits for the storm to crest the peak of the mountaintop. Then the buffaloes will turn and charge directly into the storm.
They run at the storm and, in doing so, run through it, minimizing the amount of pain, time, and frustration they experience from that storm.
“Become the Buffalo” has become my most powerful phrase both in my own life and to teach the kids about overcoming adversity and building resilience. I just put this together while writing now, too – becoming the buffalo can also literally mean, “get outside.“
The older I get, the more I realize the importance of putting myself into experiential learning as opposed to book learning. And there again – some people do exceptionally well with book learning (so take my words with a grain of salt), but for the most part, I believe experiences are best.
And there’s another great lesson in the paradox of what I just said – become the curator of your own life experiences.
No one has the answer.
There is no one way up the mountain.
There’s just the best way for you. As I’ve learned at work, having a supportive community is what provides the container (the safe space) to heal and flourish. It always comes back to the journey – it’s not about the summit: it’s what we do with the learning on the journey to think beyond the summit.
How are you going to go *Beyond The Summit?
*If you’d like more information on how to join me in the wilderness to complete your own experiential learning – email me HERE
Sometimes I feel like life throws me a non-stop supply of challenges.
It’s exhausting.
I don’t blame anyone who starts slipping into their minds’ darker recesses. I’ve previously shared how I realized late in October 2021 that I was dealing with depression. I wish I had simple answers that could alleviate suffering instantaneously.
Or do I?
How to Deal with Personal Challenges
I’ve always been conscious about the language I use – maybe being a writer has helped me visualize the differences words have in how they make me feel. That’s why I say ‘challenges’ instead of problems. One of the most significant lines from my favorite show, How I Met Your Mother, doesn’t quite have the same ring to it when written, “Problem Accepted!”
That’s the first step. If I look at something and give it all my power to believe it’s insurmountable, I won’t even try. I learned a valuable lesson from my wife, hearing her dealing with bureaucrats stuck saying “No” and chose instead to pose the question back to them, “How could we solve this to move forward?”
Personal challenges range from health, income, fulfillment, mental illness, and job loss, you can easily [insert your current challenge] here and see if this resonates.
I don’t think there’s any feeling worse in the world – than hopelessness.
Part of the healing journey is taking the most critical step: believing that I am enough, I am worth it.
I’ve spent years doing as much as possible and learning techniques and processes for personal growth. I realize now that I’ve been running on a treadmill – never reaching the ultimate destination because I was forgetting the most important thing: look within to step off the treadmill.
A Profound Lesson from Buffalo’s
While waiting in line for three hours to sort out my passport, I read Rory Vaden’s book, Take The Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving Success. Jessie recommended it to me for various reasons, one of which was how I used stairs for my mental shift to train for my year challenge of climbing Table Mountain, whereby I stopped using the lift – and always took the stairs.
Rory shares a story he learned while growing up in Colorado, a state uniquely split in half by the Rocky Mountains to the west, and the Great Plains to the east. When a storm sweeps across the Plains from the West, cows sense the storm and try to run east to get away. Not exactly a great choice considering their ‘speed.’
Thanks to evolution on the plains, the Buffalo faces the storm – and charges into it. They’ve learned the storms going to hit them one way or another, so why not pick the option that minimizes the pain, frustration, and time spent in the storm?
Same storm – two different experiences.
How to Cultivate Wisdom out of Knowledge
In 2022 there is no shortage of information. We have access to more information at our fingertips than Bill Clinton had as President of the United States.
… but knowledge doesn’t automatically mean wisdom.
You can read a book (or this post) and understand what a person shares. As I’m writing this I’m reminded of a personal belief that you learn far more from someone by their actions versus what they say. Would you trust a broke financial advisor?
A major standout point from Rory’s book is the experiences he shares that made him who he is. It hit me like a ton of bricks how simple the formula for success actually is. I think it hit me because I was able to connect it with the insane physical challenges I’ve been able to accomplish.
Self-Discipline.
If I were ever to have a child, self-discipline would be the fundamental principle I’d drive into their head to build wisdom. Wisdom means looking at a major milestone you achieve and realizing that you don’t magically get bestowed something like inner strength at the end: it was within you all along.
Wisdom means you can dissect a milestone and see the ingredients that made you successful. Discipline, perseverance, patience, adaptability, gratitude, and intention — these are all things we can cultivate.
Thus it’s not important what someone achieves – it’s what they are prepared to do day to day, moment to moment.
I must explain why I say self-discipline and not just discipline.
Why You Should also Take The Stairs
When I decided to ban myself from using any elevator (including one in our apartment block), I suddenly found myself at the end of a long day (already climbed the same eight flights at home five times), standing below the stairs well past midnight. Of course, my mind would play games with me.
“No one will know,” it whispered quietly.
But I’d know. Standing at the bottom, was I a cow or a buffalo? By climbing it again I learned I do have the self-discipline to do what is needed while nobody is looking. After all, nobody was waiting at the bottom or top of Table Mountain to see if I was climbing every day. I developed wisdom through training and planning by doing the following:
I was excited to climb every day for an entire year for no other reason than it excited me beyond belief – it set my soul on fire.
Everything else was secondary. Even raising money for charities.
My question to you is: Are you doing or focusing on what you love?
Even better: what are you prepared to do that you don’t love (like taking the stairs) in aid of your dreams?
Eight flights of stairs did nothing physically to prepare me for climbing the equivalent of 71 Mt. Everests – but it had a profound impact on my mental strength to get up every day and tackle another climb. Think about it, it wasn’t the act of climbing that built mental fortitude – but the choice made at the bottom over 1000 times to run into the storm.
Taking the stairs means reading something like this and putting it into practice daily. It’s amazing to think that confidence is actually the result of thousands of hours of practice.
So Now What?
The harsh reality is that life will be challenging whether we face the storm or not. We need to let go of wanting easy and realize that keeping things simple is within ourselves.
I’ve spent so much time overcomplicating life because I’ve been searching for answers outside of myself and neglecting my inner voice for most of my life.
Even after climbing Table Mountain every day for a year, I neglected the simplest lessons: doing what I love and being the best at it is how I serve the world best. Actually, scrap that, how I serve myself best within the world.
The world is always going to appear chaotic – especially if that’s what we focus on. One of my favorite sayings is:
Success comes to those working too hard to look for it.
~ Unkown
So the equation I’ve learned is simple:
Want to be the best athlete? Train, sleep, eat, and believe harder than anyone else.
Want to write that book? Set time aside every single day and write. Sit for two hours looking at the screen, even if nothing comes.
Whatever you love doing – what is the hardest permutation you can do once and see what it’s like?
The most difficult thing to overcome is feeling worth the success you’re aiming at. Believing in yourself even when no one else does. Getting up and doing it even when it feels pointless. Falling over or failing again and pushing one more time.
As I heard recently – if you are scared try something because you’re 40 and it’s going to take four years to achieve? Well, in four years you’ll still be 44.
So why not give it a try and have four years of doing something you love.
Spending time in Nature is a big help for depression. In Japan doctors prescribe “forest bathing” for physical, mental, and emotional health – known as Shinrin-yoku
It’s been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster for all of us, but definitely for me the past six months and hence the radio silence. I’m working on being better at expressing myself and posting more frequently. As such, subsequent posts will go into more detail about my depression, but give some context, in October 2021, I finally realized I’ve been living with depression for a couple of years. Depression has given me some beautiful gifts – one of which sparked a meaningful journey of self-discovery.
Part of that journey reconnected me with my purpose of expressing myself freely, without reservation or fear of “what others may say.” That’s not to say I’m absolving myself of responsibility to be intentional with my words or ignore how my words are received. As Retired Navy SEAL Rep. Dan Crenshaw says, “Try not to offend others – try even harder not to be offended.”
I’ve been struggling with this, but I believe intention is everything. My intention is about building community and getting people to think differently about how we feel about ourselves and how that impacts the world. To believe in our power to build community.
Honestly? I’m tired of constantly seeing division (especially being based in the USA now) and what irks me in most cases: the very thing people accuse others of is behavior they themselves demonstrate.
Seeing that has helped me constantly question my own shortcomings and blind spots. Do I treat others with the same respect I’m asking for? I’m doing my best, but I’m learning that being conscious of something tends to result in deeper thinking around what I say and do.
Ask – And Be Given An Opportunity to Practice
I’ll never forget this quote I read as a teenager:
When you pray to God and ask for patience, He doesn’t just give you patience – He gives you opportunities to practice patience.
I wish I knew the author to credit them.
We live in unprecedented times with extreme levels of stress. Stress doesn’t build character – it reveals it. Social media is a pressure cooker, and almost like a wild horse: it’s unpredictable and a little scary (can even harm us if we are not careful), but with patience and a willingness to understand, it has untold opportunities for us.
It’s the same old story of what we focus on is what we create. If you dispute that, give me a call – I have an entire year climbing a mountain with the sole purpose of building community around what we can do to prove it. I was only surrounded by incredible human beings that year.
My shortcomings have been a lack of confidence in my beliefs. Without faith in my own voice, I’ve relied on others to tell me how many words I should write, when to post, how frequently to post, and every other metric under the sun.
In December, it took an intense vision quest in Kaapsehoop to realize there’s nothing more powerful than speaking my truth in service of building community. The reality is it’s not the time of the message, but the message itself that’s important. I learned that when I posted for the first time on Facebook this past Saturday, sharing Rudy Van Dieman’s story of climbing Table Mountain every day in 2022 for his community in Mitchells Plain. Usually I would’ve tried to post at the “best” time and yet – it’s currently got a record 43 shares.
Coming to terms with realizing the power behind speaking my truth and being safe to do so, is obliterating my depression. My depression was caused by my inability to speak freely and feel comfortable telling you things like I’m very spiritual. I’m a round peg, and I’ve been adjusting my message to a square world – and the more I did that, the deeper I fell into depression. No more.
What can YOU take from this?
Start thinking about what inner desires you suppress and feel apprehensive about sharing with the world. Ever since I was a little boy, I felt different and unable to express how or why I felt different, and I became angry. So much so my parents bought me a punching bag to unleash the anger inside. Considering they were parenting in the ’80s without Google’s help – a phenomenal bit of intuitive parenting. Perhaps one of their most significant accomplishments in guiding me to become the man I am today.
I’ve been inactive, not just here, but on social media too. Purely because I’ve felt inept and devoid of anything worthwhile to say. Which fueled the depression in an out-of-control negative spiral. It’s as if I placed a ridiculous weight on my shoulders that I must become a sage to be of value, saying something new or coming up with revolutionary ideas to save mankind.
But we don’t need revolutionary ideas – we need people to stop living in fear and act in ways that respect themselves, others, and our beautiful planet. So simple – but oh not so easy. We’re all on a journey of exploration to understand how complex life is and embrace the sacredness of life.
Spirituality isn’t about being right – it’s about moving past the container of our mind to discover our soul’s potential in service to others.
There’s an excellent chance one of you may unsubscribe while reading this. But there’s also a good chance I might get an extra 2 subscribers by becoming more forthright. Perhaps 1,000. But that’s not important.
The point is, writing has nothing to do with how many subscribers I have – that’s just my ego demanding validation. The real value lies in living my truth and no longer suffocating my souls’ voice, which means I’d rather have 1 meaningful connection that creates change than 1 million shares and views. Case in point; what Rudy is currently doing for his community.
Where to from here?
As a South African living in the USA now, it’s abundantly clear what a phenomenal country South Africa is for one reason: The People.
Don’t believe me? Feel free to confirm with Jerry, President: North America, South Africa Tourism.
The number one reason tourists tick for enjoying their visit to South Africa is the people.
One of my plan with this platform and my voice are to learn more about and share South Africa’s rich stories of our resilience. THAT we have in abundance and need to start recognizing in each other and ourselves.
It’s easy to complain about what’s wrong. Heck, I even throw my hands up now and again – but I always have this little voice saying, “Yeah? So what are you going to do about it?”
Take action. Become a problem solver and figure it out – whatever it takes.
I believe we’ve been stripped of the belief in what we can achieve when we work together. We don’t need corporations or governments for tremendous change to occur. Imagine each person on earth deciding to never harm another person. A small commitment with untold worldwide repercussions.
Sooooooo – 2022 is shaping up to become one helluva ride. The question is: are you going to get into the driver’s seat? Or sit in the back?
Admiring the view after my 297th consecutive climb up Table Mountain, Cape Town.
It’s a hard pill to swallow – but my greatest teachers have all been times of challenge.
‘Challenge’ could be supplanted by the word ‘test’, and I like to think of life challenges as going to university. I chose my degree (life path) with specific classes (life lessons) and then teachers test my knowledge on those subjects at the end of each semester (challenges).
In life, the tests don’t come so ‘neatly’ though as I make choices affecting where I live, what I spend time doing, who I spend time with – all of which inform my thoughts helping shape ideas which ultimately inspire action – if they resonate with my highest values.
One of the most profound lines I ever read was:
When you pray for patience, God doesn’t just hand it to you, He gives you opportunities to practice it.
That means I can’t ask to be better without invoking the test associated with that. This profoundly shapes my mindset, instead of seeing wisdom as the ability to download information like Neo in the matrix – my skills are crafted through time and practice. There are no shortcuts in life and as Carl Jung so eloquently warned us: “Beware of unearned wisdom”
Wanting to be a better human being is noble – but am I prepared to do the work that makes that a reality? Am I prepared to journey into the underworld on a quest that tests my fortitude?
Understanding How my highest Values Inform my Actions
I’m drawn to reflect on any number of conferences, workshops and talks where experts share strategies and tips to be healthy. I’m struck by how simple all the strategies actually are. The wisdom is there – but nobody ever said simple meant easy.
I’ve come to learn an important (albeit simplistic) understanding: people who place a high value on health will invest time working on it.
The pursuit of happiness and a desire to feel fulfilled helped create a new metaphor recently: Follow my own treasure map, otherwise how can I be surprised when there’s no treasure because it’s already been picked up?
The real trick is to learn how to look inside and read my own map. What we can learn and teach each other are the key elements to follow through on our hero’s journey: Patience, Commitment, Discipline, Perseverance, and Confidence.
The ‘secret’ is making what we want a priority – and embracing the journey.
Look at the plethora of diets and exercise gurus selling ‘the next greatest pill/book/workout/diet/food/piece of exercise equipment’. After 22 years in the fitness world I’ve come across a handful of trustworthy people honestly laying it out from the beginning in simple terms: It takes hard work, discipline and consistency.
Being healthy and fit has always been a priority for me, so I make time for it. I’ve only just discovered that one of my driving forces is not ‘how successful can I be’ but rather ‘what am I capable of?’ – I’m now translating that physical knowledge into all the other areas of my life knowing my capabilities are limited only by how far I’m prepared to push myself.
Coupled with a deep curiosity about the gorgeous world we live in helps me say “yes” to things instead of “no.” Saying “yes” creates opportunities for new experiences and allows me to explore those capabilities.
All that culminated when I had the idea to climb Table Mountain every day for an entire year. I found my treasure map and if ever there was a challenge to face – THIS WAS IT!
Breaking Down Challenges into Core Components
I love solving problems because I enjoy figuring out the process of how to do things. Below is my attempt to break down challenges into their core components to see their benefits:
They’re Bigger than anything experienced before (if at all) – tests/reveals character.
Clear Problem – tests ability to solve and collaborate.
Time based – test resilience and perseverance.
All-encompassing and inescapable – requires mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual work.
Unlocks wisdom – tests true desire.
Challenge implies I will experience discomfort, requiring innovative solution-based thinking that uses my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual prowess within a certain time frame – the reward being a sense of accomplishment coupled with deeper understandings about life, relationships and who I am.
Let’s see how I can write that out using my yearly climb up Table Mountain expressed in a ‘formula’ of the core components:
Having never committed to anything remotely audacious as this, I had to commit to no days off climbing through all elements, testing my physical strength, my mental fortitude to persevere on the same route and maintain enthusiasm, my emotional strength to cope with no days off or respite, combined with the spiritual purpose to understand myself and how to build community around my beliefs and contribute to society. My reward was wisdom gained from committing whole-heartedly to self-belief and discovering a repeatable template of what I’m capable of. 366 days of experiences shaped into one deep profound realization: I’m supposed to be having fun along the way as much as I know I’ll feel at the end.
Filling each day with gratitude and searching for it’s uniqueness (even when doing the exact same thing every day) showed me how much beauty there is. Even in repetition.
My experience with COVID-19:
While initially it looked like a six week struggle, that’s turned into a year (and could possibly be longer before things return to some form of normalcy) The major challenges within it have been maintaining a healthy lifestyle while overcoming the mental challenges forced isolation brings with it (I’m fortunate though that I have Jessie to share it with). It’s testing my physicality to stay fit in unusual ways, mentally as I’m unable to build new relationships in a city I’ve just moved to, emotionally as I deal with the strain of isolation and conflicting news reports mashed in with the uncertainty of how much longer there is to go. The spiritual challenge is the deepest one, how to connect with others struggling in these times and build a community to empower those being devastated by the effects of lockdown. The reward is a shared humanity as we all reach the other side of a once in a 100-year event touching all seven billion of us. Hopefully we come out of it with a deeper sense of gratitude for what we have, an understanding of what and who is important to us, and a deeper knowing of how connected we all are and a renewed sense of vigor on strengthening our society.
Difference Between Selecting a Challenge – and Life Throwing us One
Two things stand out from the examples above:
Choosing a challenge gives the advantage of knowing how long it is.
Just because life throws a challenge we haven’t experienced before, doesn’t mean we don’t have the tools to face it. Past experiences provide a way to adapt our mindset on how to tackle the new one.
Mindset. A word I hear almost daily. What I don’t hear as often – is Heartset.
I believe they work in conjunction and just like a muscle at gym – can be trained.
Mindset is developing the skills to overcome the urge to give up, or surrender to challenges. Mindset is an opportunity in the good times to prepare for the bad times. We can build habits we know work during good times to mimic when we feel out of sorts. We can recognize that we are a coin with two sides that constantly flips from one side to the other. It’s how we manage each flip and absorb the lesson from each experience to grow and level up for the next challenge that lies in wait – and it’s always there. This governs what we can control mentally and physically.
Heartset is developing the ability to listen to our intuition, realizing that out inner guidance system speaks to us putting a spotlight on the correct path to follow – even when our rational mind or society says ‘no ways! You gotta go this way!’ It’s about developing a more compassionate approach to ourselves which will ultimately translate into how we engage with the world around us. This is the seat of our emotions and soul keeping us aligned with our highest purpose and values.
Next Question – So What?
It means there’s hope! We’ve all made it this far and instead of feeling overwhelmed we can take heart from our resiliency. It means we can take time to analyze our past to build templates of success for future challenges and if nothing else – know that whatever is thrown at us we’re capable of overcoming it. I don’t know if this template is helpful, but it’s a starting place to focus on what you have accomplished and overcome already.
I love the line We will never be given anything we can’t handle – that alone has helped me through some rough times.
It also means that the more challenges I seek out with the clear intention of discovering who I am and what I’m capable of – the better equipped I become for future challenges which I can’t stress enough – are always there.
Knowing they’re there waiting for us like a hurdle in a race isn’t any reason to get disheartened – it just means the better we train the better our race will be. More importantly, the better equipped we become to assist others fresh on their journey of self-discovery.
Next to the tragic loss of life, one of the most devastating things about COVID-19 is the separation. We’re not meant to endure challenges on our own. While we always need to do the work ourselves – of course – it doesn’t mean we have to do it alone.
Never underestimate the power your kind gesture has on the person receiving it.
Knowing what help you need takes self-reflection.
Asking for it takes courage.
Applying it builds wisdom.
Would you like to apply what you’ve just taken in? Has this been helpful? I’d love to hear from you – reach out and let’s set up a call (Click here) and see how to analyze the challenges you’ve experienced and better yet:
Create one that helps you discover what you’re really capable of.
I believe we have an opportunity to build one of the most powerful communities rooted in compassion, love, and perspective.
And that starts by building strong individuals – like you.
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity” – World Health Organization.
This post is challenging because I know how emotionally charged COVID-19 is, primarily due to the devastation felt by so many. It’s difficult to separate noise from the truth these days – so I listen to my gut as I evaluate what people say and how their actions speak to that. What does someone stand to gain from what they’re sharing? Is there any conflict of interest?
We’re over a year into the pandemic now – which allows us to examine data to remove uncertainty around ‘what ifs.’ This is critical to take emotion out of our thinking as we make informed decisions on how to move forward.
This article serves to expand the scope of understanding and alleviate any fear built up around this virus and ‘opening up.’
Setting the Stage with Context
I’m saddened by the breakdown of “trusted” sources incapable of exploring all the possibilities, especially with anything contrary to the main narrative of COVID-19. I admit, being at the epicenter in New York as it turned into a ghost of its usual self last year, I was gravely concerned. For loved ones, and humanity at large. It immediately spilled into my behavior, cleaning every item from the grocery store before packing it away.
At that stage with fear circulating about the potential death rate of COVID-19, my biggest fear grew: what about people living in shacks where social distancing isn’t an option?
As it stands, 2.9* million souls have died. That’s 2.9 million families, friends, colleagues, partners mourning a loved one. My deepest sympathies go out to each of them – especially as funerals and gatherings have been stripped from them too.
Death is deeply personal, painful, and tragic. Never in history has our mortality been forced onto our radar simultaneously around the world. In most western culture’s death is taboo, not spoken about, never mind thought of as part of our journey.
That’s another topic entirely – but necessary to put context into our fear currently.
I applaud everyone’s genuine concern and desire to reduce deaths; however, taking a meta-view around what the lockdowns are doing has created one wish:
Can the care we exhibit to save people’s lives, be equally shown for the quality of people’s lives?
Growing up in South Africa exposed me to the reality of poverty. It’s heartbreaking. The exposure has entrenched a deeper perspective to evaluate decisions made in society more broadly and to think about its impact.
Like lockdowns.
This is where it starts getting a bit uncomfortable, maybe even heated for some. As it should! These are tough conversations to wrap our minds around, but it’s necessary to evaluate all sides, after all – isn’t that how we come to the best solutions?
Possibly the most sacred word that encapsulates this precious gift our experience on this gorgeous planet truly is. This interview comes from someone that values it deeply – I don’t feel the same from mainstream media or governments. Shouldn’t we gladly embrace anything (no matter how simple it may appear) that saves lives?
I do wonder whether the heightened fear-based reactions to this pandemic has a deeper meaning, is it less about dying – and rather the confrontation about how we’re living? What we’re notdoing with our life now?
The fear of a life unlived?
I certainly haven’t done everything I should’ve at this point in my life. I’m not immune to the human condition of failing to live up to my capabilities. Death is a reminder about why it’s necessary to work through blockages and live according to my beliefs and values. Knowing I will die – is why my focus is measuring how many people get an opportunity to use their life to express their talents?
I’ve always had a fatalistic view of life from as young as I can remember, but one traumatic event cemented this way of thinking.
At 23, armed robbers stormed the store I was working in and robbed us. I couldn’t help notice his hand holding the gun shaking.
The first accidental shot fires off – ricocheting off the floor into my colleague’s leg. Moments later, the second shot fires off – bouncing off the floor and passing through my trouser material, narrowly missing my leg.
Next, he raised the gun – I didn’t wait to see if it was aimed at my head. I lifted my arms and bowed my head in submission – waiting for the third gunshot, wondering where it could hit me and survive.
It never came.
I could just as easily have been killed that day.
That day showed me how little control I have over what happens to me, and I started saying ‘yes’ to life more than I said ‘no.’ That created 18 years’ worth of ‘bonus’ experiences: the opportunity to experience living in the U.K. and USA, live in major cities like London, Cape Town, San Francisco, and New York; countless friends made, love shared & found with my wife, beauty felt. Almost gone in one moment.
Building an Awareness around our Outrage
Since then, my journey has incrementally developed my understanding of the lack of equal opportunities in South Africa, and frankly, throughout the world. This brings me to my wish: the quality of people’s lives.
Why does this matter?
Well – I see rage and judgment expressed about masks but is that rage expressed about people living in poverty?
We need to be honest with ourselves – In February, at the peak of the pandemic, the daily deaths worldwide were 17,704 – compare that to 10,000 children dying from starvation every day.
25,000 if you include adults.
Please read that again.
UNICEF estimates an additional 130 million people threatened by starvation through lockdowns, with an additional 150 million people pushed into extreme poverty.
I understand why the outrage is unequal – if I don’t experience it, why would it be a priority?
The reality is we have as much inequality in outrage – as we do in wealth.
I have no issue with outrage – as long as it’s not just focused on what affects your privileges. It’s easy to be outraged when we have the bandwidth to contemplate it; most people impacted by the decisions being made have no bandwidth – they’re just trying to survive and feed their families.
We are not responsible for a human being’s suffering – but we can be part of the solution to change their life once today.
We mustn’t get bogged down in comparing life’s challenges – but being aware is essential to provide context to our outrage and think about what we choose to chastise others over publicly. Is [insert outrage topic] really the standards we should hold ourselves accountable to? I understand how complicated it is to teach children on Zoom – I’ve seen it. Yet there are families without books, never mind laptops, for their children to learn.
There are 1.6 billion children out of school because of worldwide lockdowns. I imagine the quality for the majority of children learning online dropped dramatically too. Having spoken to my friend that teaches – the quantity of work just to get by is staggering.
I wonder how many ‘thank yous’ they’ve received? If you’re reading this take this as my highest gratitude for your service.
I also have the utmost respect for parents juggling work, homeschooling, stress, emotions, partners, and more. I can understand, too, if parents’ outrage is fueled by having no bandwidth to process the current circumstances. Life is unbelievably complex at the moment.
It’s an unbelievably tough situation we find ourselves in; everyone deserves our respect as we collectively mourn the loss of loved ones.
Let’s start thinking about how we honor their memories and the sacrifice these souls have made going forward. It’s time for compassion.
How do we honor those that have died from COVID-19?
“Life is something much greater than human. Life is a gift. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment of the loss, and get better at acknowledging the gain of a life well-lived. This was a person that loved, it’s a person that has created in their lifetime. ….. a state of being that is free of fear, let them be part of the message that this virus is trying to teach us. Let them know that it is not in vain, that we will learn from this, that we have taken too many steps away from our purpose, our real nature, our real potential. Let them know that they are part of the rise of consciousness on the planet and not the collapse of biology.
Yes, this disease is killing people. Yes, we want to protect as many people as possible – but there are alternatives that aren’t born from fear.
Let’s stop trying to box everything as right or wrong. We can simultaneously hold two opposing views: this virus creates suffering through death, and it causes suffering through lockdowns. There are over 40 million new jobless claims as thousands of small businesses close and people’s ability to earn a living is shattered.
The speed at which this virus spread across the world has shown us how connected we truly are – we can use that to spread positivity just as quickly.
Let’s break down lockdowns, asymptomatic spreading, and our own immune systemas a start.
LOCKDOWNS
If lockdowns worked – the truth is we wouldn’t be in this position today. A detailed open letter to the FBI has been put together from ten prominent figures regarding lockdowns’ validity (and criminality).
We are writing this letter to request that a federal investigation be commenced and/or expedited regarding the scientific debate on major policy decisions during the COVID-19 crisis. In the course of our work, we have identified issues of a potentially criminal nature and believe this investigation necessary to ensure the interests of the public have been properly represented by those promoting certain pandemic policies.
This document is compiled by Michael Senger (lawyer), Retired Brig. Gen. Robert Spalding (he has extensive knowledge in trading with China) Sanjeev Sabhlok, Ph.D. (from India), and Maajid Nawaz (political activist & the founding chairman of Quilliam, a counter-extremism think tank that seeks to challenge the narratives of Islamist extremists) to name a few.
Evidence about the origin and historical precedent of lockdowns;
The scientific literature and debate behind them;
The provenance and quality of predominant COVID-19 testing protocols and models;
The motivations, biases, and qualifications of confident prominent lockdown supporters; and
The source of public-facing communications surrounding these policies.
Re lockdowns, they say:
“Not only are lockdowns historically unprecedented in response to any previous epidemic or pandemic in American history, but they are not so much as mentioned in recent guidance offered by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (“CDC”). Judge Stickman continues:
“Indeed, even for a ‘Very High Severity’ pandemic (defined as one comparable to the Spanish Flu), the guidelines provide only that ‘CDC recommends voluntary home isolation of ill persons,’ and ‘CDC might recommend voluntary home quarantine of exposed household members in areas where novel influenza circulates.’ This is a far, far cry from a statewide lockdown”
This begs the question as to why all governments have been so quick to implement this?
ASYMPTOMATIC SPREADING
One of my biggest worries (and I imagine all of ours) was this notion that we could feel fine, have the virus, and spread it to loved ones and possibly those that are elderly or immune-compromised. Not only has this never been the case with any virus in history, but ALL the data ‘supporting’ this comes from China. No other country has been able to replicate this scientific analysis.
DATA ON CONSEQUENCES OF LOCKDOWNS
“Data from the website yelp.com has shown that over 60% of business closures during the COVID-19 crisis are now permanent, amounting to more than 97,000 businesses lost in the U.S. Nearly half of black-owned small businesses have been wiped out. Unemployment in the United States reached as high as 14.7% and highways jammed with thousands of vehicles awaiting their turn at food banks. Nearly 5% of the United Kingdom population went hungry during the first three weeks of lockdown.”
If governments are so concerned about helping minorities – enforcing prolonged lockdowns is clearly counterintuitive.
INCREASE IN SUICIDE
“In Japan, government statistics show suicide claimed more lives in October than Covid-19 has over the entire year to date.
And, despite being at virtually no risk from COVID-19, as a result of lockdowns, children have suffered the most of all. Nearly one in four children living under COVID-19 lockdowns, social restrictions, and school closures are dealing with feelings of anxiety, with many at risk of lasting psychological distress. In recent surveys of children and parents in the U.S., Germany, Finland, Spain, and the U.K. by Save the Children, up to 65% of the children struggled with feelings of isolation.
Children’s health and intellectual development have regressed.”
We are going to have to work very hard with our youth to manage their mental well-being.
Their conclusion finishes with a chilling understanding about why we all go along with it:
“For the general public, the idea that anyone might accept some outside incentive to support such devastating policies while knowing them to be ineffective — needlessly bankrupting millions of families and depriving millions of children of education and food — is, quite simply, too dark. Thus, the public supports lockdowns because the alternative — that they might have been implemented without good cause — is a possibility too evil for most to contemplate. But those who know history know that others with superficially excellent credentials have done even worse for even less.”
This is why it’s incumbent of us to speak up and share these facts with people still scared by a narrative that stands behind ‘back the science’ – but has failed to provide a report what that science is as this.
IMMUNE SYSTEM
I am not a medical doctor. In no way am I giving medical advice – I’m a concerned citizen who researches this information to share. It’s for you to ask your doctor and make your own decision.
I posted the link to the video on Vitamin C and how anything on Facebook or YouTube related to natural remedies was hidden, suppressed, censored. Why?
Why would something cheap, easy to do, and SAVES LIVES be suppressed like this??
Sadly, the main driver looks like money. What has a more significant margin – a vaccine or a box of vitamin C?
$40 for a new vaccine that hasn’t been tested against all strains, OR
$20 for 250 doses of immune support? (a daily cost of 8c)
One is man-made – the other produced by all animals naturally as a defense mechanism. Even though we lived in the epicenter in New York for a couple months, I was never fearful. I believe in the power of our immune system – after all, ours is the product of thousands of years of evolution, tweaking, adapting, and allowing the human race to still be around.
So why isn’t there a focus on the impact lifestyle has on our immune system?
I only know about this because I benefitted from my formative years being a wasteland of infections: whooping cough, mumps (which took the last of my hearing in my left ear), tonsilitis, ear infections by the dozen, chickenpox – all cast indescribable trauma on my parents spending endless days and nights worrying about me in hospital. In a heartbreaking moment enduring another whooping cough episode, I declared, ‘I don’t want to be Andrew anymore.’ I can’t imagine what that did to my parents.
Little did I know this was my immune systems Navy SEAL training to become an elite force against infections. I haven’t had a flu shot since leaving school – and might have had flu once?
Being Careful Doesn’t Make Me “Anti”
The vaccine story becomes even trickier because there are loads of factors to evaluate the risk factor. Age bracket; Health, pre-existing conditions, diet. the current number of deaths in my age group (the US only) is 0.04% – that’s without looking at any other health factors. If you have pre-existing conditions, are worried for your health or life, or in an age bracket where you feel concerned – I genuinely hope you’re able to be vaccinated soonest and feel comforted with added protection.
Again – I’m perplexed how much emphasis has been given to vaccines as THE support for our immune systems.
I understand why masks and vaccines have become people’s savior. Our immune system is complex, and also our responsibility to manage.
Society is only as strong as our weakest link. Imagine how different this past year would’ve been if we had a healthier population? There are many reasons for disease, and I hope a spotlight is shed on the importance of food being a source of medicine for our bodies. I’ve been saddened by the lack of communication in media and government about what people can do to strengthen their immune systems.
There’s a wonderful article by Harvard Medical School with 9 simple ways to build a healthy lifestyle that supports a robust immune system. There’s no silver bullet, and it’s up to each of us to decide what a healthy lifestyle looks like and means to us.
Worst of all: fear switches off the immune system.
It’s a fascinating evolutionary development. Think of your immune system as an army; when an army is at war, they need additional food and resources to defeat an enemy. That means whatever energy we have is dedicated to the effort of defeating them. Now imagine suffering from an infection and coming across a tiger. The body recognizes the tiger is a more immediate lethal threat, thus diverting all energy resources to the flight receptors (your legs, lungs, and heart) to speedily escape!
It can’t do both.
Engaging in endless hours of fear-driven media, YouTube or T.V, listening to how many new cases and deaths is the equivalent of coming across a tiger. We’re literally cutting off our own supply chain to the army designed to defeat the enemy. That’s like living in fear of being burgled and constantly leaving your front door wide open.
What we feed our minds, is as important as what we feed our bodies.
How do we build a more engaged, conscious community?
I hope understanding the complexity of health is the start.
Becoming armed with as many facts to remove emotional bias eliminates fear-based irrational responses. Commit to listening to all sides of a discussion with an open mind – like people at The Great Barrington Declaration, which say:
As infectious disease epidemiologists and public health scientists, we have grave concerns about the damaging physical and mental health impacts of the prevailing COVID-19 policies and recommend an approach we call Focused Protection.
Coming from both the left and right and around the world, we have devoted our careers to protecting people. Current lockdown policies are producing devastating effects on short and long-term public health. The results (to name a few) include lower childhood vaccination rates, worsening cardiovascular disease outcomes, fewer cancer screenings, and deteriorating mental health – leading to more significant excess mortality in years to come. The working class and younger members of society are carrying the heaviest burden. Keeping students out of school is a grave injustice.
My dad sent me a well-constructed video by actuaries articulating all these points. This was shared by a Biz news – one of the few media outlets with this assertion: their community’s intelligence should never be underestimated and they never overestimate their knowledge on a topic.
I love that. This is essentially what this article is all about.
Right on cue – YouTube has taken down the video citing “….removed for violating Community Guidelines” – utter RUBBISH. Thankfully, PANDA has a backup so you can visit their website (Pandemic – Data & Analytics) and see what they’re doing for yourself and peek behind the curtain of the digital dystopia YouTube are busy creating through censorship.
PANDA’s response to being de-platformed is
“After half a million views, an outpouring of emotional positive responses, no complaints about veracity & 100 likes for every dislike, BizNews presentation, “The Ugly Truth about the COVID-19 Lockdowns” was de-platformed by YouTube.”
These are reputable sources providing facts and data to support their position. It’s worth taking the time to investigate them all.
The most impactful word I heard Nick Hudson use in his presentation succinctly captures the fear being generated:
Homosapienophobia – everyone is dangerous until proven healthy.
I am glad to confirm that asymptomatic (otherwise known as healthy people) cannot spread the virus.
I am not dismissing the disease or the deaths – simply that the methods being used are not based on reality and are doing severe damage. We can no longer ignore the other side of this coin.
How do we move forward?
With compassion. Towards everyone.
Share this information with as many people as possible to reduce the amount of unnecessary fear being circulated. There’s a reason for concern; yes. Concern is healthy – fear is excessive and detrimental.
Lift all Covid-19 specific restrictions and mandates
Offer protection to vulnerable individuals
End mass testing, contact tracing, quarantining, and lockdowns
Ensure public transparency of all efficacy and safety data of vaccines
Reassert open scientific debate and freedom of speech, opinion, and choice.
This will ease the pressure, but by no means relieve it.
Next, we need to ramp up how we think about building our communities again, incorporating the quality of people’s lives as a priority.
Evaluate our Health
We need to share as many podcasts and information about our micro gut biome (Dr. Zach Bush talks about it but check out his website too!) Spend time learning about how food can fuel and nourish your body to naturally assist your immunity. Watch that Vitamin C discussion!
Get Fit & Build Community at the same time.
Let’s honor the lives lost in the best possible way – and work together to build ubuntu into every act we take moving forward. I’ve created the 50in50 challenge to stay fit, challenge my mind, and build community by raising funds for education and housing – I’m nine weeks in. It has two aspects:
Recreate each American State’s outline using my sports tracker,
Climb the equivalent of every state’s elevation by the end – roughly 365 Empire State buildings, an average of nearly 2km of vertical climbing (1,2 miles) every Saturday morning.
This isn’t about how much – it’s about participating and getting support in the process. If you think the numbers above are out of reach – note that I started with 103 flights a year ago (44 minutes) creating a 12-week plan to incrementally built up my fitness, taking a further eight weeks to reach 660 flights (my current capabilities). We’re talking about building a healthy sustainable lifestyle.
It’s not about how much we do – it’s about committing to building the practice. Pledge to join whenever your state comes up (see list for each week below) while using it as a way to invite people to make investments in building communities again. No amount is too small and there’s strength in numbers, after all – for someone with nothing, our something – means everything.
All while creating a healthy lifestyle that contributes to a robust immune system.
I’m committed to demonstrating there are no quick fixes, but we can develop sustainable healthy habitats filled with purpose aligned to our true values. We can create a world where we grow and use resources to support those without hope and opportunity with a hand up. Who’s with me?
Please share with someone you know is feeling overwhelmed by everything, and if that’s you – reach out to me and let’s chat.
Context is akin to perspective – which is the ability to understand a moment in time relative to all the parts that made it possible.
Why is context important?
Context is seeing each piece of a puzzle versus simply looking at the entire picture. One of the most disingenuous things I see online is people selling ‘how to’ [insert solution here] for body, health, or wealth product usually followed by a magic number: 30 days, 3 weeks, 10 days. It’s catchy because honestly – who doesn’t want a quick fix?!
I have no problem when people share their success, as long as they’re honest about the process (each puzzle piece) and how long it took to achieve – the length of time between connecting each piece to build the puzzle (the result). It’s not about doubting whether they’ve achieved it. Success is valuable social proof it’s achievable, as long we’re honest about how that happened. It gets muddied because the effort isn’t sexy.
This is why context is both important and necessary.
What is the harm caused by misleading self-sabotage?
Without context, it’s easy to get excited about a 30-day challenge to achieve X sold by person Y. Remember the old TV commercials where muscle toned bodies used product X? ‘Just 5 minutes a day on blah blah blah will sculpt your abs!’ I guarantee that model didn’t build that body with that machine. That’s context. I can follow the program to a T and fall short – immediately defaulting to ‘what did I do wrong?’ What’s wrong with me?
Most probably nothing.
Well – not entirely – I’ve defaulted to looking for, and ultimately falling for, a quick fix. There is always a share of the blame that lies with us. Being duped into creating a false expectation lies squarely on our shoulders. If it sounds too good to be true – it usually is.
The biggest ‘secret’ the 5% used to maintain or keep it off?
They chose what their diet would be, enabling them to live a lifestyle they can maintain.
So simple – but when has simple ever been easy? Side note here – what we eat is more complex than simply losing weight; not all food is equal; some act as assets giving us energy and nutrients to fight disease medicine – while others act as liabilities slowing our system down and, if abused – harming them.
There’s no magical pill. No one diet, although there are tons to choose from – veganism, carnivore, keto, paleo, Atkins…. It’s endless… yet the long-term studies show that it’s not the diet defining the weight loss – it’s adherence.
This is a great example to show why focusing on the result versus the process can lead to negative thoughts about our lack of willpower or how we self-sabotage our progress. If we have unrealistic expectations, our lack of results in a certain time frame will aid our self-sabotage.
Up till now, context has been used as an external evaluation tool, but now let’s switch that inwards. Let’s get real here for a second – if I have zero value on being healthy, whatever diet I start or exercise I begin – I’m going to land up in that 95% pile, clearly – because 95% tells the story.
The good news is I can become more educated about how the 5% keep their weight off, like how the 1% generate tremendous wealth. The better my understanding of their actions linked to values, the greater my chance to build sustainable habits.
It’s why I build context into my talks when speaking to others about my world record attempt. My health and fitness is built on 22 years of experience. I’m sad to say I didn’t start with the right motivation. As a shy, insecure teenager – I started training at the gym because my internal dialogue was ‘A girl would only be interested in me if I had a great body.’ How’s that for low self-esteem? Mercifully, working at a retail store covered in pimples forced me to talk to the public and build relationships with my co-workers; and that bubble popped.
This is an example of having the wrong motivation with the right outcome! I’m grateful this happened so young. I did love playing sport all through school, which gave me a taste of being fit. Gym kept me linked to that world after school, and I’ve been training ever since. When I lived in Cape Town, the outdoor life is what excited me the most. Hiking in the mountains on a clear winter’s day after rain gets my juices flowing – even as I type that! I don’t need extra incentives to get out and enjoy nature, it’s my soul food. Thus exercise became intricately tied to the value of being outdoors. I’ve now since linked it to two core values: self-development (answering the question ‘what am I capable of’) and using my capabilities in service to raise money for housing and education.
These powerful values bring me immense joy and gratitude for the body I was gifted at birth. After 22 years, I’ve experienced the ebb and flow of training hard, followed by lull periods (usually the cold dark rainy winters in Cape Town). Still, I have always managed to get back into it. My major puzzle pieces are:
By training naturally at the gym (no steroids or other enhancers), my muscle memory helps me return quickly – and I know that.
No matter how long the lull, three weeks back is all it takes to feel an increase in energy levels throughout the day – that feeling of optimizing my body is ingrained.
I was never a morning person – but training in the morning gives me more energy for the rest of the day, and I feed my body. I’ve felt the physical difference testing out different times, and mentally having that achievement done and dusted instead of hanging over my head.
It hasn’t all been gym work and hiking, I also enjoyed nine years of playing touch rugby league every Wednesday night; I loooooved trail running for two years before my injury; promenade walks in Sea Point and New York; road cycling for eight years (thanks to living in Cape Town with incredible scenery and the worlds largest timed cycle race in the world as an incentive for training). These are important puzzle pieces to build the full picture of how I climbed a mountain every day for a year.
I bet you’re thinking – so what does this have to do with me?
Building context reveals the small changes needed to build sustainable practices
Simon Sinek talks about understanding ‘your why’ in business, and as an individual, I speak about linking goals to values. The better we understand ourselves and be brutally honest – the greater our chance of building sustainable practices. Deep down, you know what brings you fulfillment – but there’s a wonderful tool from Dr. Demartini that can help you determine your values today (values are a fluid concept.) I’ve used that in conjunction with a numerology report to understand why I feel so passionately about certain things and not others. If you’d like an evaluation send me an email. No matter what – there’s help to begin your journey to understand who you are.
Brutally honest means unpacking why something is important and whether it’s my dream or planted by someone else (maybe even society). To see if it’s ours, we can distill any goal by asking: ‘is this helping me with my mission in life?’
No? Then that’s why you’re feeling resistance and possibly exhibiting symptoms of self-sabotage like procrastination, substance abuse, or negative self-talk in pursuit of your goal.
I remember my accountancy lecturer telling my mom I was lazy. Did she know I hadn’t taken accountancy at school? Did she know I was an A student in maths? Did she know I am the type of person that needs to understand how something works – the principle – by having things explained in detail?
Nope.
Thankfully, my mom knows me well enough not to judge me based on this assessment. Instead, we came up with a plan to do introductory self-paced courses going over the basics in six months. I went back the second year and passed. This experience showed me accountancy wasn’t for me. More importantly, I learned a valuable lesson around the word lazy – so often attributed to children.
We are incredibly diverse as a species. Think about how many facets shape us:
Our bodies and how they function;
Where we are born;
Our parents;
Our greater family;
The schools we go to;
What inspires us;
What we love doing;
Our education (inside school and outside)
Where we get our worldly information;
Opportunities along our path;
Our exposure to different opinions;
And we keep searching for ‘the one thing’, a template to follow for happiness, fulfillment, success, and health.
I can understand why wealthy people with money as their success metric end up unhappy. We can follow a formula laid down by someone successful – but without their motivation, how can we possibly expect to feel the same sense of fulfillment? Or be surprised when we don’t feel the satisfaction they do? Imagine trying to bake a chocolate cake with ingredients meant for a soufflé?
Fulfillment comes from satisfying our soul, not our senses.
I’ve been on a loooooooooooooooooong journey to understand this. When I climbed Table Mountain, I lived 100% according to my values, ignoring the outside world’s commentary. The noise deafens our soul’s words whispering to us gently, which is why I now understand the value in sitting in silence – meditating. It gives me the chance to embrace the void, where inspiration, creativity, and ideas to excite us are born. The irony is we believe we must work harder, longer hours to reach our goal.
That’s like running faster and faster on a treadmill wondering why the goal in front of us never arrives.
I often battle internally about where I am – versus where I believe I should be. I’m falling for the puzzle picture versus looking at each piece that created it. That generates anguish. It’s been my unease about teaching goal setting. While working on a goal-setting course, I realized that the most important element of setting attainable goals is a deep understanding of who I am and what I want.
That idea from the void set my soul on fire. It was as if a star ignited inside, unleashing unlimited energy within me. Sure I can break down howI executed that idea to make it a reality. Still, I didn’t consciously choose to climb every day – that gift came neatly wrapped up in an idea perfectly expressed in a sentence of eight words. If anything, the first step in goal setting should be learning to sit in silence.
The irony about self-development is that the journey isn’t about discovering anything – it just uncovers what’s already inside us all along. We currently have it all backwards. We’re more concerned with goals giving us something, than realizing it’s what we give that builds the foundation of achieving our goal.
So what next?
I hope you can see the value in developing a curiosity to understand the context of something before comparing yourself to others? A journey by definition requires action – which means movement, which involves taking a step. May I suggest your next step be putting this into practice? I know the more significant the inspired effort, the greater the corresponding result.
Here’s a suggested step by step guide to understanding how to build context into your life to unpack your goals and, who knows, maybe even uncover what sets your soul on fire:
Context requires effort and research. Sit with this word and what you’ve read above. Take some time to digest it, and then write your thoughts on what resonates and what doesn’t.
Articulate why you feel that way on each point. If you’re reading this, I’m 99% sure you have an internal drive to discover what you can become.
What comes naturally to you? List them and goals associated with them.
What fills your days and thoughts? If I asked, you could talk at length on? List them and correlate with the above.
Now think about all the times you’ve beaten yourself up for not achieving a goal. Was that goal important to you? If so – did you dissect reasons preventing you from persevering? Was it simply because you gave up?
Did you understand the context of what was required to make it a reality?
Do you look at this post as a puzzle piece or the full picture? (I hope you answer puzzle piece!)
Do you follow people that share how long they took to achieve what they did?
Are you prepared to be in it for the long haul? Or want a quick fix?
I’m deeply committed to teaching others the benefits of pursuing their highest values because I’ve experienced how fulfilling it is and know the value it brings all of us if we do this. I have zero doubt about the purpose of what I share – whether in my writing, speaking, advising, or workshops – it’s to empower others to find their puzzle pieces – not follow others. Would you go on a treasure hunt and be happy there’s no treasure left after following someone else’s map?
The most exciting moment of my life always happens when I get a new piece of the puzzle – and take the first step on that path. I’m no longer constantly plagued by the anguish (it still pops up) that comes from trying to build my puzzle with someone else’s pieces. I still battle self-sabotage – but I’m kinder with myself as I master these ideas and keep pursuing what feels right, even in the face of steep ridicule or opposition.
Will you take the next step on your journey to living your purpose?
We’ve all been there. A colleague. A friend. Maybe even a family member – espouse something different to what we think. It’s a challenge. In the past I’ve been guilty of dismissing them as stupid or ignorant.
The last few years have shown me, it was I that was stupid and ignorant.
Mainly because I’ve been able to correlate what I see with what I do, instead of pretending that what I see is simply an observation of the outside world.
To recognize something in another – is impossible to do without having that trait. Not something I want to admit. Truth is, I have the capacity to be a bigot, a misogynist, a racist in any given moment. We all do. We’re human. Does it define who I am or how I behave every day? Definitely not! But to sit here and pretend I can’t be any of those is disingenuous and defeats the purpose of the title of this article.
A good place to start is embracing that no one is morally superior to anyone. Ever.
It’s a complex world. Even siblings growing up in the same household with similar experiences can turn out drastically different. I’ve softened my approach by asking the question ‘If I was born elsewhere in the world, would I still believe this?’
Religion is the easiest example to use here. A Christian may have views about Hindus, but would they hold that same view if they were born in India – would they still be Christian? Sadly, my subconscious reaction is usually to justify my position is the right one.
Maybe it’s related to the reason most of us avoid change: It’s hard.
Is it solvable?
I love solving problems and to solve one, I must understand it.
While news media and social platforms tell us how divided and polarized we are, a recent Harvard Study showed “80% of Americans are “happy” to engage in conversations with those with opposing views in the future if the conditions are right”
Whew… that’s a huge relief. If that figure were under 50%, I’d be worried.
It’s pretty tough to solve issues if half the population won’t even engage with you. Mercifully, that’s not the barrier – so what is?
Social media provides instant wide-net access to anybody’s opinions – often with no context. Think about racism. How many racists have engaged with the group they despise? To this point I suggest listening to a blues musician Daryl Davis talk about his first experience with the KKK.
No one would falter him for avoiding an overtly racist and anti-Semitic group, yet he chose the opposite. He uncomfortably engaged them using deeper questions with the intention to understand them. Conversation was his weapon, and he’s since assisted about 200 Klan members to leave.
‘’I never set out to convert anyone in the Klan. I just set out to get an answer to my question: ‘How can you hate me when you don’t even know me? They come to their own conclusion that this ideology is no longer for them.”
I love that.
‘They come to their own conclusion’
That’s how we create long lasting change. Shaming someone into action creates acting. Inspiring someone into action creates change – Daryl exemplifies this to a T.
If a black man can sit with a Klan member – I can sit with anyone with an opposing view to mine.
How can we implement this?
Some intellectual humility on my part is a good start. Next, instead of allowing knee-jerk reactions to dominate my decision making, I ask questions like ‘how much more information could there be?’ The recent decommissioning of Dr Seuss books is a great example.
My first reaction was disdain for rampant cancel culture and wokeism once again going too far. Thing is – my reaction was based purely off a headline. I had no idea if this decision was an internal one – or external pressure. If it was one book – or all or all of them. I didn’t even know the reason why.
*Sigh
I have a long way to go to override my subconscious rampaging elephant, but one falter isn’t a reason to give up trying.
Writing this helps me see how valuable this test was to recognize how quickly it happens and how to catch myself. I now know it’s only six books that won’t be reprinted and it was Dr Seuss Enterprises decision.
“The company says the decision was made last year, in an effort to support “all children and families with messages of hope, inspiration, inclusion, and friendship”
My initial reaction was wrong. Ouch. Owning up to mistakes and being wrong is hard – but it’s a great ally in becoming a better human and growing.
Thankfully, I recently heard Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist based in New York, interviewed about Can a divided America heal. Besides insightful, it introduced me to their free resource OpenMind, helping people overcome bias. It was illuminating to hear why it’s easier to witness bias around me or in others, than it is within myself.
OpenMind’s program, as their website says, is “A scalable, evidence-based approach to constructive dialogue. Our learning tools equip people with the mindset and skillset to communicate constructively across differences.”
The perfect tool to build our skills. This is akin to climbing up a treacherous mountain for the first time. I can do it alone and get lost and frustrated, or use a professional guide to take me and save time – and make every step enjoyable and prevent me from giving up.
I’ve just completed the individuals course which I cannot recommend enough! OpenMind also has courses for Academics, Workplace, and Community & religious organizations. There are eight sections of 30 minutes each as well as four 45-minute interactions to practice discussions with a partner.
As Daryl says, there’s a difference between being stupid and ignorant – and by understanding my own bias I can certainly change my interactions by bringing curiosity back into subjects I have little knowledge. Let’s be honest, with our access to all information from all over the world all the time, we’re bound to have some disagreements with friends and family.
We have an information surplus, but a lack of wisdom. Experts like Jonathan guide our journey to become more compassionate communicators across differing backgrounds, beliefs, and values.
Here’s the outline of their course:
There’s hope
No matter how polarizing the topic – I believe there is always common ground to understand one another’s position and be more compassionate with a view different to mine. We won’t agree on everything and that’s okay – there are tools available to empower ourselves for these situations.
The important thing is to focus on what is the end result we ultimately want?
For example, can we all agree that every child should be taught to read and be educated? Great! Let’s focus on how we make that possible, instead of getting stuck in disagreements about the cause of the problem. It’s certainly important to recognize mistakes so as not to repeat them – but collaborating on how to achieve this, is the best way forward to maximize efficient use of resources.
If we get stuck, a great question to ask is ‘would the children and parents care about this topic?’ – if the answer is ‘no’ – we’ve strayed off the purpose and objective we’re pursuing. Is this discussion serving the purpose of our shared objective?
And the better I become at this? The better I communicate with others; the more I break the cycle of automatic responses and build a bridge with compassion and understanding.
I hope you’ll take that next step on this continuous journey with me, and share this with someone you think will benefit.
Renaissance Guy 