How To Learn From A Troubled Child’s Stunning Metamorphosis To Use Empathy

July 11, 2023

Do you feel bewildered by other people’s actions?

Do you find yourself cursing another’s stupidity for obviously failing to see the truth?

Do you ever shake your head in disbelief at someone with opposing views?

Maybe you hear about someone’s criminal behavior and decry “throw away the key”?

I know I have.

I have been blessed with a life path of teaching to develop an innate ability to see things at a higher level that are perhaps connected in a way that others don’t see. My brain loves patterns (which is maybe why I was born into a family that’s surname is PATTERsoN).

I’ve been on a 43-year journey to understand suffering, growth, transformation, and love. As a youngster, I believed I had the solutions to so many challenges being faced in the world. I’m grateful for that deep desire to see pain and wish to support others and remove it.

I’m also grateful that I was naive. That no matter what, I also followed my heart being spoken to by my soul to go on the hero’s journey to understand better how to communicate what I’ve learned.

Today is one of those days that a magical awareness to share happened.

Why Cancel Culture is Toxic

For the past year, I have been in the dirt, learning to work with kids in Wilderness Therapy. SUWS of the Carolinas was a program dedicated to giving to that otherwise had been given up on – another shot at redemption. Today I’m going to share the full circle of one of our many success stories.

To maintain privacy, certain elements have been tweaked and names changed. I choose to use the plural pronouns they/them/their because this story represents each and every student that’s gone through the program.

The student in question is *Malcolm.

Today Malcolm graduated from their second wilderness program after SUWS was shut down 56 days into their stay. They arrived because of a court order following felony charges.

After another 55 days in their second program – today, they graduated having completed 111 days of wilderness therapy. A truly remarkable feat.

Here’s the thing – they didn’t just graduate. They’ve used their opportunity to work on their anger, poor coping mechanisms, lack of emotional control, and disobedience. Instead of going to jail, their actions at both programs have seen the court drop the charges. When all boarding schools rejected any notion of enrolling them – they now had options to choose from to continue working and get back to school.

To say I’m proud is like admiring the most beautiful vista Earth has to offer and saying “that’s nice.”

Embodying Forgiveness & Providing Support.

I’d love to say Malcolm simply arrived and breezed through every aspect of therapy and wilderness. But change takes time. If you’ve been angry for years, a couple of days of therapy don’t just erase those emotional responses triggered when threatened.

Even with the knowledge they were facing jail time, they had two incidents with peers and my co-staff that almost got them kicked out and straight into the 6×8 cell. In one case, they physically attacked another student, and when staff intervened – attacked them too.

I can go into their personal traumas that, now having the ability to separate actions from the person, give you perspective into where their anger comes from. How long its been brewing within them. How embedded in their physiology, it was that it became second nature. Take my word – they are things people shouldn’t endure, and let’s keep going.

At SUWS, there was their therapist Julia, two field directors, a program director, three logistics staff, a nurse, a psychiatrist, the CEO, and between 15 to 20 field staff living with them in the wilderness, working daily to provide guidance, support, love, compassion, hold boundaries, and facilitating debriefings after flare-ups.

I want to interject here that the goal was never to create “good” little boys and girls. The objective was to provide a safe space for them to have their natural reactions, allow time to cool down, discuss what happened, plan for the next time, and then practice getting better and using grounding techniques and coping skills. Slowly but surely, chipping away at the layers of marble around them to reveal their inner David.

*What Michaelangelo’s David looks like finished*

Each one of those people you read above had all the students central to everything we did. It took a village to help this child reconnect to their true essence and let go of destructive behaviors and patterns led by an outstanding therapist.

After the second incident, though, our CEO had enough and wanted to kick them out. Enter our rockstar therapist, who believed wholeheartedly there was progress and that Malcolm deserved another chance and desperately wanted to keep them out of jail.

Malcolm turned a corner, and with some truly magnificent pieces of instructing that I was privileged to witness, Malcolm started realizing the magnitude of the consequences and listened to all of us to change the trajectory of their life. Needing to be separated from the group, Malcolm had a dedicated Master Instructor, Lee-Ann supporting them, and the corner was turned.

The Power of Ubuntu In Action

I was with Malcolm, too, when we shared the news of SUWS closing down, which they took extremely well, especially considering it directly affected their treatment plan to avoid jail, and was immediately more worried about us — the staff — and that we’d be out of a job.

Just before hearing the news that SUWS was being closed down, my friend Scott gave me a book, Everyday Ubuntu: Living Better Together, The African Way by Mungi Ngubane. Knowing I only had two shifts left, something stirred in my soul to bring it with me to work and share with the students.

I had the privilege of working both those shifts with Malcolm, the last of which I both requested the group to work specifically with Malcolm and requested my co-staff, too, to really go out by being the Buffalo. My co-staff Kayla was the one attacked by Malcolm. Again, something inside me spurred to do this, knowing we had the chance to face a potentially challenging situation and turn it into an opportunity for healing and transformation.

*Buffalo’s face storms when they come – and charge into them to reduce the amount of time being uncomfortable.*

Armed with my book, a phenomenal conversation with the therapist on what to focus on, and honest conversations about how Kayla felt about my request — we headed into the lion’s den.

I had an opportunity to facilitate healing between Malcolm and Kayla and a safe space to discuss what happened the last time they’d worked together. They both showed courage and humility to listen and express themselves clearly. Most importantly, Malcolm had an opportunity to show them with their actions. Talk is cheap. I’ve heard more promises broken than a campaign trail. I watch actions.

Without hesitation, Malcolm expressed regret about what they’d done last time and, looking Kayla in the eyes, said, “I’ve changed since then, and I want to show you with my actions that I’ve learned from that and can be better.”

I also had the chance to choose our adventure that week, and I chose an arduous 12-mile hike over three days — which, between only four people meant extra weight on our backs to carry. The hikes themselves were a challenge alone, but on day one, we faced an awful day of rain as we hiked over a mountain to get to our campsite… drenched. After six hours, we made it to camp, but there was no complaining. No passive-aggressive behavior. No snide remarks. When you overcome challenges together, you build bonds that become unspoken. The trust developed because we all know what we just went through, climbs any wall or barrier ahead. Instead, we huddled around a fire to get dry and share stories, and laugh.

My favorite moment at that campsite was watching Malcolm get help from a peer that expressed safety concerns with Malcolm — and offer to help them carry water from the creek.

My heart almost burst open, as they arrived back laughing together.

Full Circle… Becoming the Buffalo.

At the end of 56 days and at SUWS’s final graduation ceremony, Malcolm’s mother came up to me to thank me for my part in helping them. I was promptly blown away when she said to me, “and I bought that Ubuntu Book. I’ve started reading it and I’ve already read some really powerful stories.”

Malcolm had written letters about learning about Ubuntu, and she’d bought it for the family. What I didn’t realize at the time was that the mom brought it with her to give to Malcolm on the way to the second treatment program. Not only did Malcolm finish reading the whole book — but they started reading it to their peers.

They learned a valuable lesson too, as the peers seemed disinterested time after time when they read to them. Sharing this with their therapist, they wanted to stop reading to them. They were encouraged to keep trying, and guess what, that night, the students asked, “when are you going to read to us from your Ubuntu Book?”

I’ve always wanted to help people. But who knew this little insecure boy from Johannesburg, 13’346km away (8’341.2 mi), would later be able to teach African culture to troubled kids in the wilderness of North Carolina, and actually help them in their cocoon of transformation and begin the arduous journey to break free, spread their wings…..and fly.

When SUWS closed, Malcolm explored therapeutic boarding schools — only to be declined because of the history of violence. Fast forward 55 days — and they had options and were able to control their future by choosing their next step. THAT, is becoming the Buffalo. Facing the hard truths, knowing the road is difficult, accepting where they were, and having the courage to face their storm and get through it.

Now I’d like you to go back to the start and read my initial questions to you, having just read this.

I want you to picture the Republican if you’re a Democrat (or visa versa), Christian if you’re Islam or Jewish (or any combination of that), vaxxed or unvaxxed, any person that is “different” to you in appearance, faith, criminals, state, country, politics — or beliefs for that matter — and think about what you’ve just read about in terms of one of the greatest transformations I’ve been privileged to witness and experience in 111 days.

Do you still think we should dismiss them as “less than”? Or do you think we’ve missed the point of taking time to get to know them?

Archbishop Desmond Tutu said, “If you want peace, speak with your enemies – not your friends.”

It’s time we start living the universal values of forgiveness and love and step out of fear — just because someone thinks differently doesn’t mean they should be feared. The answer to all challenges is not silencing, canceling, de-platforming, shunning, shaming, blocking. It’s a deeper connection, greater awareness, compassion, understanding, love, and communication — action words.

Watch how easily you find yourself dismissing someone or something you hear in the news or from friends. The real test of courage going forward, though — will be speaking up when a loved one, friend, or colleague is dismissive.

As I’ve learned, sometimes a simple question can shift someone’s awareness. That’s all it takes. Planting seeds of love in the minds of those living in fear will begin to sprout when more people start to water that seed with more love, instead of staying hidden under their own layers of dirt.

Jessie told me a beautiful quote recently, “Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but you’ve actually been planted.” ~ Christine Caine

Let’s plant some seeds.

If Talk Is Cheap, What Can I DO Next?

Firstly, be kind to yourself, and give yourself some grace to practice a new way of sharing compassion abundantly. Understand that with Love & Intention – Anything is possible.

Here are some recommendations on what you can do to become a beacon of light, creating waves of change in our communities and helping others like Malcolm change the trajectory of their lives:

Recognize that we don’t know everything, and we certainly don’t know what we don’t know. It’s okay to be wrong today too, because with knowledge gained today, we are better prepared for tomorrow.
Learn to Separate the behavior from the person. I highly recommend watching “I am a killer” to practice
When something is different from your way of thinking, investigate and ask questions why someone thinks differently to you? Watch how quick and easy it is to judge, dismiss, and mock others.
Register to take this course from Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, with his Constructive Dialogue Institute. It has incredibly well-done questions ranging from gun control to abortion that help give context and perspective to see the other side.
Seek out people who differ in opinions from you and ask if they would like to discuss their side
Learn to Active Listen – repeat back to someone what they’ve said so you can see if you heard (and understand them) correctly.

Be honest about what you know, and be curious to learn more about why someone thinks the way they think instead of being hyper-focused on WHAT they think. Learn to get context by understanding someone else’s life experience that’s shaped their worldview.

In 111 days, Malcolm went from potentially spending 35 years in jail, receiving wilderness therapy as a lifeline, almost throwing away that opportunity twice, being rejected by all boarding schools even after completing 56 days at SUWS, becoming appreciative to learn about another cultures way of building community, teaching that to other students, and finally graduating and being able to pick their next therapeutic school to continue their transformation. Yes, Malcolm has done amazing work, but they need to continue with their momentum to fully escape the bonds of anger and make it all the way through the next storm.

What could you do in 111 days with compassion, love, forgiveness, perseverance, dedication, and courage?

You could change someone’s life. Including yours.

That’s what.

For anyone in the USA reading this and wishing to chat with Julia about how she and Trails can help them and their child – please reach out by clicking HERE

The Power of Time and Personal Responsibility: Reflections on a Company’s Closure and Getting Laid Off (Again!)

June 16, 2023

*The final ceremony* *for existing and previous staff.*

I’ve now experienced being in a company that got liquidated; laid off because of a company restructure; lost contract work because sales were down; and most recently laid off due to the parent company closing SUWS of the Carolinas down.

I think I have the bingo of job loss now!

This post is intended to share:

The pain of going through a company closing & processing getting laid off
Learning the difference between help and rescuing others
Understanding of the power of time
How to take ownership of your circumstances
The power of expression versus identity

I’ve been pondering the recent closing of SUWS of the Carolinas – a company that I spent almost 3,000 hours in 1 year due to the nature of how we served children by living in the wilderness with them. In case you’re wondering, SUWS stands for School of Urban and Wilderness Skills. My work afforded me the opportunity to have a front-row seat in understanding the challenges kids are going through. Some of them are the eternal struggle against doing what your parents ask, learning to become adults, figuring out who they are and what values hold true for them, as well as the additional pressures covid and the lockdowns created socially.

It represented a microcosm of the world’s challenges.

The closing of the company also represents a microcosm of what I believe is wrong with society and how challenges are being faced. SUWS of the Carolinas provided a level of care, love, support, space, and time for all who walked through their doors to heal, grow, and master their emotions through communication and powerful coping skills. Not just the kids benefited – speaking for myself – I know how much I healed from depression, exploded my confidence, and embedded the difference between rescuing and helping people.

The Difference Between Rescuing & Helping People

Sadly, I learned that my natural response to another’s suffering or challenges was to rescue them – not actually help. I had to practice pausing before responding to any situation to ask what would really help the other person at this moment. I don’t believe there are many malicious people in the world genuinely trying to cause others harm – and reading Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are setting up a Generation for Failure, it’s easy to see why so many people blame others for their misfortune and give away their power to heal.

Even with all the love and support that SUWS gave, the hardest part was watching some kids avoid taking responsibility for how they move forward in life. What I’ ve learned about giving opportunities to people who have none: Ensure that they understand the success of any opportunity given to you depends on what YOU make of it. Simply put – if you stop breathing and die, is it the oxygen’s fault? The opportunity of a lifetime needs to be taken within the lifetime of that opportunity.

Even with dedicated support 24/7 from some of the most incredible human beings I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, all our words meant nothing if the kids didn’t start to believe their worth themselves. The point wasn’t to tell them how amazing they are or special just because… we used what they DID to get them to see that. Imagine living in the wilderness for 60-90 days? These incredible kids did something 99.9% of adults would avoid – AND they flourished. My favorite line to a kid saying “I can’t do this” was breaking the news to them that, “I’m sorry to say you’re wrong – because you already ARE doing this having been for (insert number of days)”

What SUWS did for me was pressure test my beliefs, my skills, and my humility. When you work in the wilderness, you don’t get to go home at the end of the day, decompress, and sleep in a bed. You don’t get to drive home and disconnect from the stress of the day. As someone that values alone time, I was lucky to get 30 minutes a day.

Genuinely helping people can only happen at the same level to which you are prepared to help yourself. The more challenging circumstances you are willing to go through, the easier it is to help others. Not because you know more than them – but because you’ve done more.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand
Confucius

SUWS helped teach kids how to turn challenges into wisdom. How to solve problems. How to communicate what they felt more than “I’m fine” and gave them opportunities to practice dealing with being uncomfortable every day and then how to keep operating in a community through that discomfort. SUWS was actually an Ubuntu incubator. It taught us how to be our best selves while being in service to our little community, as well as seeing how you benefit from others too.

Change Takes Time – Even Nature Gradually Moves Between Seasons

I was privileged to witness incredible transformations in kids. Imagine going from swearing every second word, disrespecting everyone in the group, doing the bare minimum for 49 days – then seeing your mom at a parent workshop and realizing how much you miss her, so you start doing what the instructors and your therapist have been telling you since day one. Then in your second half, you reconnect with your true essence and leave SUWS as one of only 3 students I’ve seen out of 61 to truly graduate – that is to complete their phase work, the equivalent of a growth book identifying new skills to learn, master, and then uplevel.

We dealt with kids that other programs kicked out, boarding schools rejected, or that courts ordered them to complete to avoid jail. They were society ‘discards,’ most likely given up on – when what they needed wasn’t less attention – it was more. The family lives I participated in helping to change will live with me forever. But more importantly – that change lives on forever in each of those families as they understand what taking personal responsibility and accepting help means and how to support your family going forward.

We crave a pill to solve our weight challenges – instead of building the discipline every day to eat and exercise.

We want instant success in business – instead of listening to our internal voice to build something of value that takes time.

We want instant fame and millions of followers – instead of serving our community and being known for what we do.

SUWS taught me why – even the best-intentioned Trump haters – do exactly what they hate about racists. Or bigots. Or misogynists. I learned that Trump, his haters, and his admirers all need the same thing; they need to heal, and be given time, care, attention, love, and space to learn about themselves. It takes time to understand what someone else has been through that now shapes who they are.

Just ask Daryl Davis, considering he’s helped 200 KKK clansmen over 30 years leave the organization. And he’s black. But it’s so much easier to label a problem like “toxic Masculinity” when actually it’s far more complex and down to the individual person – who most likely is toxic from hate, neglect, abuse, trauma, or all combined. A wise friend told me, “Masculinity isn’t anything in and of itself. A man can choose to be toxic, just as a woman can be toxic herself and view masculinity that way. That doesn’t mean masculinity is the cause.” I had to be careful to separate cause and effect when working with kids – actually even my co-staff – because it’s easy to slip into branding a person by their behavior. I had to learn to treat each child based on what THEIR needs were – no matter how similar their patterns of behavior were to mine or anyone else’s.

It takes time to get to know people.
It takes time to heal.
It takes time to learn.
It takes time to master.
It takes time to think.
It takes time to build a life.

Pressure Testing My Beliefs & Understanding Why Others Believe What They Do

As SUWS so valuably taught me, even though I may know I’m good at something – doesn’t mean I’m in the best position to help someone else. In every one of my 24 shifts, I was asked the question, “How much DO you believe in the power of challenges?” with all 61 kids I worked with. It is no good if you cannot explain something so someone else can understand you.

For example, it’s one thing for me to embrace challenges as the only way to move forward and grow; it’s another to teach others to see it that way too and push through those challenges without giving up. It’s yet another to maintain composure, love, kindness, care, and calm when the very person you trying to help is ignoring you, hates you, despises you, thinks you’re an idiot, curses at you, and even physically attack you. The wisest words SUWS embedded in my brain from day one was, Learn to separate the person from the actions.

Everything is a choice – and I had to choose to see each child as the most necessary human ever born and see their negative behavior as a cry for help. I had to live the motto, if you fall down 10 times – get up 11. I was never proved wrong either that the power of consistent kindness and love routed in genuine help will always overcome any trauma.

These kids learned how capable they really are. They discovered perseverance they never knew existed.

Identity versus Expression

Last but certainly not least, I developed an even greater understanding of learning to see things like success or failure, male and female, extrovert or introvert, as expressions of what we’re capable of, instead of wrapping it into our identity. I understand why so many children are depressed – part of it is that they are told to identify as (insert any number of things).

Making your job (as an example) your whole identity is a catastrophe when you no longer work in that role. However, seeing something, like your role, as an expression of what you’re capable of suddenly changes that whole dynamic. I lived it when I was climbing the mountain every day for a year and, coming to the end, was told, “You’ll be depressed when you’re not on the mountain climbing anymore.” I had time to think about why that would be? My realization was, yes – if my identity were wrapped up in being on the mountain, then, of course, not being on it would cause issues. I’d probably get wrapped up in becoming the challenge guy and move on to the next challenge to feed my self-worth. But seeing my yearly climbs as an expression of what I can do became a new way to ask myself a better question for growth, “What am I capable of now?”

Just like SUWS closing down doesn’t impact my self-worth of what I’m capable of – it actually gives me another opportunity to ask that question, knowing what I was capable of holding space for others in extreme conditions to have their own “AHA” moments. It’s why I’m building programs for adults to have their own experiences.

One of the kids was looking for a weakness in me and thought he could get under my skin by throwing away something I love – my walking stick. I promptly walked across to it and threw it even further into the forest. He was shocked and asked why I did that?! My answer was simple.

I made that walking stick – the walking stick doesn’t make me. I can make another one.

He never touched it again.

Why SUWS Was The Greatest Company to Work for & Now Emmulate

Every single employee at SUWS was solely focused on putting the kids at the center of everything we do to help them heal and grow. SUWS gave me words for ideas I could never formulate. SUWS taught me why structure is so valuable. SUWS helped me practice what I know I can do in a way that allowed me to make mistakes to highlight my weak spots and areas for growth to work on. SUWS taught me how to communicate my feelings with intention, how to link how I’m feeling to my values and a choice to move forward, it taught me to be a better active listener, it taught me to ask if someone’s open to feedback and ready for it, it taught me how to therapeutically understand another’s challenges and how to help them overcome it. It taught me how to explain why you do something and the value it gives if you genuinely want buy-in.

*The Feelings wheel that better explains how you feel at a deeper level.*

As our Program Director, Colin Walsh, said on our last day, “The fire of SUWS may have gone out. But each of you are the coals that will go and spread a new fire using the same intention and care that SUWS represented.”

Again – just like all opportunities – without hard work and preparation to nurture that coal by collecting the necessary materials to build it up – we decide how much effort goes into starting the new fire so that we can spend less time rushing around trying to keep it alive.

Every morning before breakfast and after handwash gratefuls, we finished with the Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

I recently learned three more lines in the prayer I wish we had said further. I think this is the perfect way to finish this off:

Living one day at a time

Enjoying one moment at a time

Accepting that hardships are the pathway to peace.

I feel disappointed in the decision to close SUWS, as well as motivated by the opportunities that the next chapter brings for me.

A belief about myself is that I always grow through challenges and become a better man for the experience. No matter how difficult at the time – it always works out in the end. My choice is to focus on what SUWS did for me instead of purely focusing on the grief I have for the lack of opportunity other kids and staff will have to become their best selves. My choice is to continue supporting others on their journey as we relentlessly try to create the kind of world that embodies Ubuntu. An African philosophy that teaches us how to live better together. I highly recommend reading, Everyday Ubuntu if you’d like to learn about the 14 Principles.

We didn’t help these kids because we sat around talking about their faults, how clever we were to know them and point them out; we were taught to get stuck in and sit in the dirt and darkness with them, knowing that being a guiding light means you’re only visible in the dark. Desmond Tutu said it best, “If you want peace. Speak to your enemies – not your friends.”

Being a Senior Wilderness Therapy Guide is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But SUWS taught me that the harder the effort, the equal reward awaits in accomplishment and fulfillment too.

Let’s all help each other, by starting with asking ourselves what we’re prepared to change within.

Why Getting Back to Basics in Nature is so Important For You

September 27, 2022

*The Appalachian Mountains in North Carolina*

What if every important question you’ve ever had about yourself could be answered by living in the wilderness for four days?

I’ve been working in wilderness therapy now for more than 1,000 hours. The shift work is intense; we live in the wilderness camping, hiking, sleeping, cooking, and even sh!tting in the forest for eight days. The most basic question about self-efficacy stares you down: Do I possess the ability to do difficult things consistently in extreme conditions to achieve the desired outcome?

I’ve answered that question and, more importantly: watch others answering it too.

With only six days off to recharge, I usually have Thursday and Tuesday (we work Wednesday to Wednesday) fully off to recharge. I must admit, that’s not the reason I haven’t written a post in the past four months though.

The real reason?

I’ve been hyper-focused on trying to translate what the benefits of wilderness therapy are for adults. I work with youths aged 10-17, dealing with things as varied as behavioral issues like anger management (something I could’ve used!), trauma-induced personality and social issues, and even depression.

I find myself constantly sucked into the social prescription of trying to deliver “the answer” when I write – instead of just sharing my experiences.

I wrote an article last off shift entitled How the Wilderness has Beautifully Changed My Brain (but never published it) and lying in bed this morning, I had an epiphany about where to start writing: The Basics

What Is Wilderness Therapy?

Wilderness therapy is a mental health treatment strategy for adolescents with maladaptive behaviors. Wilderness programs combine therapy with challenging experiences in an outdoor wilderness environment to “kinetically engage clients on cognitive, affective, and behavioral levels.”

There are other benefits, too, I had a 17-year-old recently explain to me how he finds it difficult to open up to therapists to share his life story.

However, just a few hours earlier, having just met him, he proceeded to share really personal stuff with me in the twenty minutes post being introduced. Naturally, I was confused by this contradiction I experienced, and so I challenged him about it, saying he should consider why that is. He immediately had an answer for me.

“Oh, that’s because here everyone is honest about what they are struggling with. Outside people judge me pretending their lives are perfect, but here I feel comfortable because everyone’s honest.”

This leads me to why I think wilderness therapy is such a powerful tool: Community

The Right Wilderness Therapy Program Provides Community

I consider myself fortunate. I work with a company that is extremely intentional with everything they do. The programmatics for the kids include progressive phase work, like learning hard skills such as how to strike fire with quartz rock and steel, to soft skills like processing their trauma and emotions. The soft skills have the 10 Life skills outlined by the W.H.O.:

Self-awareness
Empathy
Critical thinking
Creative thinking
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Effective communication
Interpersonal relationships
Coping with stress
Coping with emotions

Once students have some weeks of experience stacked up, something else beautiful happens. Without any prompting, a student with similar experiences often raises their hand to mentor a new arrival. It shows how we have an innate ability to recognize someone else going through the same struggles and want to be of service to help them.

It’s been a powerful realization to witness the difference between rescuing someone and helping them. Unfortunately, I’ve realized our first instinct tends to be one of rescue. Actual help is more difficult and takes longer; it’s time to invest in asking questions to understand where someone is on their journey, what they’ve learned, what their commitment is, and how much they believe in their own abilities to take care of themselves.

It’s an expedition mindset that meets Ubuntu

When we eat meals, we sit and share how we’re feeling using a variety of methods that include:

FABC’s – I Feel About … my Belief about myself is…. Finishing off with I Choose x to move forward. An Example, “I feel anxious about today because I don’t know what’s going to happen. A belief about myself is that I value preparation, and my choice is to have an open mind and focus on what IS in my control instead of what isn’t.”

We also have a safety check on a scale of 1-10 on how we feel physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Not only is this helping us all learn to express what we’re experiencing, but how to listen to others and understand why they act the way they do.

The intention creates the space for vulnerability to flourish. And the space is duly supported by the next item: Nature.

The Power of Time in Nature

Deep down, we all know we need more time in nature. Whether on walks, hiking, swimming, or camping — all these activities immerse us in an environment that used to be the norm. Nature tests our willpower and meets us exactly where we’re at and, in every case, helps us learn that we’re more capable than we thought.

Being in nature allows us to disconnect from technology and reconnect with ourselves and our environment. Living immersed in the natural world and waking up under the forest canopy forces you to go at the forest’s pace. This brings us to the next element the wilderness provides: Going back to basics.

Reminding Us How Little We Need

As consumers in a capitalistic society, life has evolved into recommendations for “stuff” to acquire and be happy – but that means there’s always something else “better” to aspire to.

The wilderness strips everything down to the most fundamental element and teaches gratitude.

Sleeping on the ground under basic shelters (no tents – too bulky to carry so use tarps instead)

It poured the entire day at this campsite and I felt really proud that my shelter remained dry.

Eating food that’s easy to carry, doesn’t go off quickly, and easy to cook.

No toilets, you need to dig a cat hole or else carry a bucket with bags to dispose of the waste when leaving the wilderness.

The water you need to pump through a filter to prevent bacteria from multiplying in your stomach.

No chairs; you either sit on the floor or have a crazy creek for minimal back support.

You want it? You must carry it! It truly forces you to weigh up the pro of the comfort provided versus the discomfort of the added weight to carry around.

I thought a bed would be my most missed item (and perhaps true when sleeping on hilly campgrounds), but back home, I’m most grateful for chairs.

Even when it pours with rain, the simple protection offered for everything to be dry inside a structure becomes a blessing. That’s why the only change of clothing I carry every day (in case) is a pair of socks.

But all of these things contribute to the next simple beauty about doing something difficult in the wild: they provide us with a tangible experience to learn from.

The Benefit of Experiences

A wise man, Kyle Depiesse, has a profound saying:

”Instead of learning something to do – do something and learn.”

Most of my greatest learning experiences have been pushing the physical limitations of what my body is capable of and, in the process – pushing my mind too. I now understand why the Navy SEALS say, “they use the body to test the mind.” We can hide from mental and emotional challenges (well, we think we can, but it always catches up with us), but physical pain is unavoidable.

When we’re chaffed, our joints hurt, our legs are fatigued, you name it – the physical discomfort forces our emotional and mental baggage to manifest, usually as frustration and impatience.

Experiences are also the best way to embed learning for us as we examine our actions and thought processes, and we even get to see our emotional responses in real-time and have an effective process to share and deal with them in a group setting. This internal reflection prepares us for the world, like our work and how we interact with colleagues. The greater effect of having these experiences helps us make better major life choices, improve our personal relationships, and address our emotional needs.

Imagine a world where people felt empowered to deal with their emotions – and others – as they continually pushed through challenges in their life instead of hiding or running away from them?

I wouldn’t mind living in that world.

How Do We Make This a Better World?

When I was young, I had visions of being part of a wave that positively changed the world. I also had a deep desire to learn about myself and push my capabilities to become the best human I could be.

I never realized they were the same thing.

I only know the world through my lens; therefore, when I change my world – the world changes. Whatever ripples I may have as an impact on others to change their worlds is none of my business nor in my control. Rumi said it best:

“Yesterday I was clever – I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise – so I am changing myself.”
Rumi

As an instructor, I get front-row seats observing human behavior in real time, and I’m always struck by students ignoring our requests to behave with respect, but as soon as someone treats them in a way they don’t like – immediately ask us to make them stop. I can’t make anyone do anything, just like I can’t make you get into the wilderness.

But here’s the interesting thing I’ve learned working with groups. If everyone spent as much time and energy focusing on themselves as they do on others – the group dynamics would be astoundingly better.

We managed to successfully get the students to do this on the 212^th day of the year. Not only was it an immaculate day filled with laughter and productivity – but they all slept noticeably better that night too. Some even proclaimed the best night’s sleep of their life.

I imagine that they usually have a layer of toxicity clouding their brain, preventing them from achieving deep restorative sleep. By focusing on themselves throughout the day and what they needed to do and achieving their goals, they didn’t create toxicity through negative interactions.

With eight students – it’s easily demonstratable how choosing to focus on each other splits their energy. It makes so much sense if you work it out like an algebra equation:

With 16 hours in a day (saying we sleep for eight hours), let’s say our body has 16 units of energy to make sure we can get through the day. One unit can be used by a person in an hour.

Now, when you ‘spend’ those units on seven people? Well, 16 units easily get devoured in a little over two hours, meaning there are 14 hours left with minimal energy.

If ever there was a reason to help us focus on our own challenges – this would be it.

Become The Buffalo

In the talented Benjamin Wall’s Art Gallery in Asheville

Turning again to nature for lessons, Rory Vaden wrote in his book Take the Stairs about what happens in Colorado when storms come from the west over the Rocky Mountains.

Cattle, having been introduced in recent centuries, turn away from the storm and try outrunning it.

That decision means instead of outrunning it, they run with the storm, maximizing the amount of pain, time, and frustration they experience from that storm.

The Buffalo, however, waits for the storm to crest the peak of the mountaintop. Then the buffaloes will turn and charge directly into the storm.

They run at the storm and, in doing so, run through it, minimizing the amount of pain, time, and frustration they experience from that storm.

“Become the Buffalo” has become my most powerful phrase both in my own life and to teach the kids about overcoming adversity and building resilience. I just put this together while writing now, too – becoming the buffalo can also literally mean, “get outside.“

The older I get, the more I realize the importance of putting myself into experiential learning as opposed to book learning. And there again – some people do exceptionally well with book learning (so take my words with a grain of salt), but for the most part, I believe experiences are best.

And there’s another great lesson in the paradox of what I just said – become the curator of your own life experiences.

No one has the answer.

There is no one way up the mountain.

There’s just the best way for you. As I’ve learned at work, having a supportive community is what provides the container (the safe space) to heal and flourish. It always comes back to the journey – it’s not about the summit: it’s what we do with the learning on the journey to think beyond the summit.

How are you going to go *Beyond The Summit?

*If you’d like more information on how to join me in the wilderness to complete your own experiential learning – email me HERE

Embracing Challenges as a way to answer, ‘What am I capable of’?

June 3, 2021

*Admiring the view after my 297th consecutive climb up Table Mountain, Cape Town.*

It’s a hard pill to swallow – but my greatest teachers have all been times of challenge.

‘Challenge’ could be supplanted by the word ‘test’, and I like to think of life challenges as going to university. I chose my degree (life path) with specific classes (life lessons) and then teachers test my knowledge on those subjects at the end of each semester (challenges).

In life, the tests don’t come so ‘neatly’ though as I make choices affecting where I live, what I spend time doing, who I spend time with – all of which inform my thoughts helping shape ideas which ultimately inspire action – if they resonate with my highest values.

One of the most profound lines I ever read was:

When you pray for patience, God doesn’t just hand it to you, He gives you opportunities to practice it.

That means I can’t ask to be better without invoking the test associated with that. This profoundly shapes my mindset, instead of seeing wisdom as the ability to download information like Neo in the matrix – my skills are crafted through time and practice. There are no shortcuts in life and as Carl Jung so eloquently warned us: “Beware of unearned wisdom”

Wanting to be a better human being is noble – but am I prepared to do the work that makes that a reality? Am I prepared to journey into the underworld on a quest that tests my fortitude?

Understanding How my highest Values Inform my Actions

I’m drawn to reflect on any number of conferences, workshops and talks where experts share strategies and tips to be healthy. I’m struck by how simple all the strategies actually are. The wisdom is there – but nobody ever said simple meant easy.

I’ve come to learn an important (albeit simplistic) understanding: people who place a high value on health will invest time working on it.

The pursuit of happiness and a desire to feel fulfilled helped create a new metaphor recently: Follow my own treasure map, otherwise how can I be surprised when there’s no treasure because it’s already been picked up?

The real trick is to learn how to look inside and read my own map. What we can learn and teach each other are the key elements to follow through on our hero’s journey: Patience, Commitment, Discipline, Perseverance, and Confidence.

The ‘secret’ is making what we want a priority – and embracing the journey.

Look at the plethora of diets and exercise gurus selling ‘the next greatest pill/book/workout/diet/food/piece of exercise equipment’. After 22 years in the fitness world I’ve come across a handful of trustworthy people honestly laying it out from the beginning in simple terms: It takes hard work, discipline and consistency.

Being healthy and fit has always been a priority for me, so I make time for it. I’ve only just discovered that one of my driving forces is not ‘how successful can I be’ but rather ‘what am I capable of?’ – I’m now translating that physical knowledge into all the other areas of my life knowing my capabilities are limited only by how far I’m prepared to push myself.

Coupled with a deep curiosity about the gorgeous world we live in helps me say “yes” to things instead of “no.” Saying “yes” creates opportunities for new experiences and allows me to explore those capabilities.

All that culminated when I had the idea to climb Table Mountain every day for an entire year. I found my treasure map and if ever there was a challenge to face – THIS WAS IT!

Breaking Down Challenges into Core Components

I love solving problems because I enjoy figuring out the process of how to do things. Below is my attempt to break down challenges into their core components to see their benefits:

They’re Bigger than anything experienced before (if at all) – tests/reveals character.
Clear Problem – tests ability to solve and collaborate.
Time based – test resilience and perseverance.
All-encompassing and inescapable – requires mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual work.
Unlocks wisdom – tests true desire.

Challenge implies I will experience discomfort, requiring innovative solution-based thinking that uses my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual prowess within a certain time frame – the reward being a sense of accomplishment coupled with deeper understandings about life, relationships and who I am.

Let’s see how I can write that out using my yearly climb up Table Mountain expressed in a ‘formula’ of the core components:

Having never committed to anything remotely audacious as this, I had to commit to no days off climbing through all elements, testing my physical strength, my mental fortitude to persevere on the same route and maintain enthusiasm, my emotional strength to cope with no days off or respite, combined with the spiritual purpose to understand myself and how to build community around my beliefs and contribute to society. My reward was wisdom gained from committing whole-heartedly to self-belief and discovering a repeatable template of what I’m capable of. 366 days of experiences shaped into one deep profound realization: I’m supposed to be having fun along the way as much as I know I’ll feel at the end.

Filling each day with gratitude and searching for it’s uniqueness (even when doing the exact same thing every day) showed me how much beauty there is. Even in repetition.

My experience with COVID-19:

While initially it looked like a six week struggle, that’s turned into a year (and could possibly be longer before things return to some form of normalcy) The major challenges within it have been maintaining a healthy lifestyle while overcoming the mental challenges forced isolation brings with it (I’m fortunate though that I have Jessie to share it with). It’s testing my physicality to stay fit in unusual ways, mentally as I’m unable to build new relationships in a city I’ve just moved to, emotionally as I deal with the strain of isolation and conflicting news reports mashed in with the uncertainty of how much longer there is to go. The spiritual challenge is the deepest one, how to connect with others struggling in these times and build a community to empower those being devastated by the effects of lockdown. The reward is a shared humanity as we all reach the other side of a once in a 100-year event touching all seven billion of us. Hopefully we come out of it with a deeper sense of gratitude for what we have, an understanding of what and who is important to us, and a deeper knowing of how connected we all are and a renewed sense of vigor on strengthening our society.

Difference Between Selecting a Challenge – and Life Throwing us One

Two things stand out from the examples above:

Choosing a challenge gives the advantage of knowing how long it is.
Just because life throws a challenge we haven’t experienced before, doesn’t mean we don’t have the tools to face it. Past experiences provide a way to adapt our mindset on how to tackle the new one.

Mindset. A word I hear almost daily. What I don’t hear as often – is Heartset.

I believe they work in conjunction and just like a muscle at gym – can be trained.

Mindset is developing the skills to overcome the urge to give up, or surrender to challenges. Mindset is an opportunity in the good times to prepare for the bad times. We can build habits we know work during good times to mimic when we feel out of sorts. We can recognize that we are a coin with two sides that constantly flips from one side to the other. It’s how we manage each flip and absorb the lesson from each experience to grow and level up for the next challenge that lies in wait – and it’s always there. This governs what we can control mentally and physically.

Heartset is developing the ability to listen to our intuition, realizing that out inner guidance system speaks to us putting a spotlight on the correct path to follow – even when our rational mind or society says ‘no ways! You gotta go this way!’ It’s about developing a more compassionate approach to ourselves which will ultimately translate into how we engage with the world around us. This is the seat of our emotions and soul keeping us aligned with our highest purpose and values.

Next Question – So What?

It means there’s hope! We’ve all made it this far and instead of feeling overwhelmed we can take heart from our resiliency. It means we can take time to analyze our past to build templates of success for future challenges and if nothing else – know that whatever is thrown at us we’re capable of overcoming it. I don’t know if this template is helpful, but it’s a starting place to focus on what you have accomplished and overcome already.

I love the line We will never be given anything we can’t handle – that alone has helped me through some rough times.

It also means that the more challenges I seek out with the clear intention of discovering who I am and what I’m capable of – the better equipped I become for future challenges which I can’t stress enough – are always there.

Knowing they’re there waiting for us like a hurdle in a race isn’t any reason to get disheartened – it just means the better we train the better our race will be. More importantly, the better equipped we become to assist others fresh on their journey of self-discovery.

Next to the tragic loss of life, one of the most devastating things about COVID-19 is the separation. We’re not meant to endure challenges on our own. While we always need to do the work ourselves – of course – it doesn’t mean we have to do it alone.

Never underestimate the power your kind gesture has on the person receiving it.

Knowing what help you need takes self-reflection.

Asking for it takes courage.

Applying it builds wisdom.

Would you like to apply what you’ve just taken in? Has this been helpful? I’d love to hear from you – reach out and let’s set up a call (Click here) and see how to analyze the challenges you’ve experienced and better yet:

Create one that helps you discover what you’re really capable of.

I believe we have an opportunity to build one of the most powerful communities rooted in compassion, love, and perspective.

And that starts by building strong individuals – like you.

The world needs you and your gifts.

How context can assist you to avoid anguish and overcome self-sabotage

March 25, 2021

Context is akin to perspective – which is the ability to understand a moment in time relative to all the parts that made it possible.

Why is context important?

Context is seeing each piece of a puzzle versus simply looking at the entire picture. One of the most disingenuous things I see online is people selling ‘how to’ [insert solution here] for body, health, or wealth product usually followed by a magic number: 30 days, 3 weeks, 10 days. It’s catchy because honestly – who doesn’t want a quick fix?!

I have no problem when people share their success, as long as they’re honest about the process (each puzzle piece) and how long it took to achieve – the length of time between connecting each piece to build the puzzle (the result). It’s not about doubting whether they’ve achieved it. Success is valuable social proof it’s achievable, as long we’re honest about how that happened. It gets muddied because the effort isn’t sexy.

This is why context is both important and necessary.

What is the harm caused by misleading self-sabotage?

Without context, it’s easy to get excited about a 30-day challenge to achieve X sold by person Y. Remember the old TV commercials where muscle toned bodies used product X? ‘Just 5 minutes a day on blah blah blah will sculpt your abs!’ I guarantee that model didn’t build that body with that machine. That’s context. I can follow the program to a T and fall short – immediately defaulting to ‘what did I do wrong?’ What’s wrong with me?

Most probably nothing.

Well – not entirely – I’ve defaulted to looking for, and ultimately falling for, a quick fix. There is always a share of the blame that lies with us. Being duped into creating a false expectation lies squarely on our shoulders. If it sounds too good to be true – it usually is.

Let’s take dieting as an example. The US diet and weight loss industry are worth $72 billion. Yet six out of every seven overweight or obese person will lose a significant amount of weight in their lifetime, but 95% of them will regain all the weight they lost within 3 years! That’s insane – not to mention a lot of anguish generated.

The biggest ‘secret’ the 5% used to maintain or keep it off?

They chose what their diet would be, enabling them to live a lifestyle they can maintain.

So simple – but when has simple ever been easy? Side note here – what we eat is more complex than simply losing weight; not all food is equal; some act as assets giving us energy and nutrients to fight disease medicine – while others act as liabilities slowing our system down and, if abused – harming them.

*I highly recommend following Dr Norton* https://www.biolayne.com/

There’s no magical pill. No one diet, although there are tons to choose from – veganism, carnivore, keto, paleo, Atkins…. It’s endless… yet the long-term studies show that it’s not the diet defining the weight loss – it’s adherence.

This is a great example to show why focusing on the result versus the process can lead to negative thoughts about our lack of willpower or how we self-sabotage our progress. If we have unrealistic expectations, our lack of results in a certain time frame will aid our self-sabotage.

Up till now, context has been used as an external evaluation tool, but now let’s switch that inwards. Let’s get real here for a second – if I have zero value on being healthy, whatever diet I start or exercise I begin – I’m going to land up in that 95% pile, clearly – because 95% tells the story.

The good news is I can become more educated about how the 5% keep their weight off, like how the 1% generate tremendous wealth. The better my understanding of their actions linked to values, the greater my chance to build sustainable habits.

It’s why I build context into my talks when speaking to others about my world record attempt. My health and fitness is built on 22 years of experience. I’m sad to say I didn’t start with the right motivation. As a shy, insecure teenager – I started training at the gym because my internal dialogue was ‘A girl would only be interested in me if I had a great body.’ How’s that for low self-esteem? Mercifully, working at a retail store covered in pimples forced me to talk to the public and build relationships with my co-workers; and that bubble popped.

This is an example of having the wrong motivation with the right outcome! I’m grateful this happened so young. I did love playing sport all through school, which gave me a taste of being fit. Gym kept me linked to that world after school, and I’ve been training ever since. When I lived in Cape Town, the outdoor life is what excited me the most. Hiking in the mountains on a clear winter’s day after rain gets my juices flowing – even as I type that! I don’t need extra incentives to get out and enjoy nature, it’s my soul food. Thus exercise became intricately tied to the value of being outdoors. I’ve now since linked it to two core values: self-development (answering the question ‘what am I capable of’) and using my capabilities in service to raise money for housing and education.

These powerful values bring me immense joy and gratitude for the body I was gifted at birth. After 22 years, I’ve experienced the ebb and flow of training hard, followed by lull periods (usually the cold dark rainy winters in Cape Town). Still, I have always managed to get back into it. My major puzzle pieces are:

By training naturally at the gym (no steroids or other enhancers), my muscle memory helps me return quickly – and I know that.
No matter how long the lull, three weeks back is all it takes to feel an increase in energy levels throughout the day – that feeling of optimizing my body is ingrained.
I was never a morning person – but training in the morning gives me more energy for the rest of the day, and I feed my body. I’ve felt the physical difference testing out different times, and mentally having that achievement done and dusted instead of hanging over my head.

It hasn’t all been gym work and hiking, I also enjoyed nine years of playing touch rugby league every Wednesday night; I loooooved trail running for two years before my injury; promenade walks in Sea Point and New York; road cycling for eight years (thanks to living in Cape Town with incredible scenery and the worlds largest timed cycle race in the world as an incentive for training). These are important puzzle pieces to build the full picture of how I climbed a mountain every day for a year.

I bet you’re thinking – so what does this have to do with me?

Building context reveals the small changes needed to build sustainable practices

Simon Sinek talks about understanding ‘your why’ in business, and as an individual, I speak about linking goals to values. The better we understand ourselves and be brutally honest – the greater our chance of building sustainable practices. Deep down, you know what brings you fulfillment – but there’s a wonderful tool from Dr. Demartini that can help you determine your values today (values are a fluid concept.) I’ve used that in conjunction with a numerology report to understand why I feel so passionately about certain things and not others. If you’d like an evaluation send me an email. No matter what – there’s help to begin your journey to understand who you are.

Brutally honest means unpacking why something is important and whether it’s my dream or planted by someone else (maybe even society). To see if it’s ours, we can distill any goal by asking: ‘is this helping me with my mission in life?’

No? Then that’s why you’re feeling resistance and possibly exhibiting symptoms of self-sabotage like procrastination, substance abuse, or negative self-talk in pursuit of your goal.

I remember my accountancy lecturer telling my mom I was lazy. Did she know I hadn’t taken accountancy at school? Did she know I was an A student in maths? Did she know I am the type of person that needs to understand how something works – the principle – by having things explained in detail?

Nope.

Thankfully, my mom knows me well enough not to judge me based on this assessment. Instead, we came up with a plan to do introductory self-paced courses going over the basics in six months. I went back the second year and passed. This experience showed me accountancy wasn’t for me. More importantly, I learned a valuable lesson around the word lazy – so often attributed to children.

We are incredibly diverse as a species. Think about how many facets shape us:

Our bodies and how they function;
Where we are born;
Our parents;
Our greater family;
The schools we go to;
What inspires us;
What we love doing;
Our education (inside school and outside)
Where we get our worldly information;
Opportunities along our path;
Our exposure to different opinions;

And we keep searching for ‘the one thing’, a template to follow for happiness, fulfillment, success, and health.

I can understand why wealthy people with money as their success metric end up unhappy. We can follow a formula laid down by someone successful – but without their motivation, how can we possibly expect to feel the same sense of fulfillment? Or be surprised when we don’t feel the satisfaction they do? Imagine trying to bake a chocolate cake with ingredients meant for a soufflé?

Fulfillment comes from satisfying our soul, not our senses.

I’ve been on a loooooooooooooooooong journey to understand this. When I climbed Table Mountain, I lived 100% according to my values, ignoring the outside world’s commentary. The noise deafens our soul’s words whispering to us gently, which is why I now understand the value in sitting in silence – meditating. It gives me the chance to embrace the void, where inspiration, creativity, and ideas to excite us are born. The irony is we believe we must work harder, longer hours to reach our goal.

That’s like running faster and faster on a treadmill wondering why the goal in front of us never arrives.

I often battle internally about where I am – versus where I believe I should be. I’m falling for the puzzle picture versus looking at each piece that created it. That generates anguish. It’s been my unease about teaching goal setting. While working on a goal-setting course, I realized that the most important element of setting attainable goals is a deep understanding of who I am and what I want.

That idea from the void set my soul on fire. It was as if a star ignited inside, unleashing unlimited energy within me. Sure I can break down how I executed that idea to make it a reality. Still, I didn’t consciously choose to climb every day – that gift came neatly wrapped up in an idea perfectly expressed in a sentence of eight words. If anything, the first step in goal setting should be learning to sit in silence.

The irony about self-development is that the journey isn’t about discovering anything – it just uncovers what’s already inside us all along. We currently have it all backwards. We’re more concerned with goals giving us something, than realizing it’s what we give that builds the foundation of achieving our goal.

So what next?

I hope you can see the value in developing a curiosity to understand the context of something before comparing yourself to others? A journey by definition requires action – which means movement, which involves taking a step. May I suggest your next step be putting this into practice? I know the more significant the inspired effort, the greater the corresponding result.

Here’s a suggested step by step guide to understanding how to build context into your life to unpack your goals and, who knows, maybe even uncover what sets your soul on fire:

Context requires effort and research. Sit with this word and what you’ve read above. Take some time to digest it, and then write your thoughts on what resonates and what doesn’t.
Articulate why you feel that way on each point. If you’re reading this, I’m 99% sure you have an internal drive to discover what you can become.
What comes naturally to you? List them and goals associated with them.
What fills your days and thoughts? If I asked, you could talk at length on? List them and correlate with the above.
Now think about all the times you’ve beaten yourself up for not achieving a goal. Was that goal important to you? If so – did you dissect reasons preventing you from persevering? Was it simply because you gave up?
Did you understand the context of what was required to make it a reality?
Do you look at this post as a puzzle piece or the full picture? (I hope you answer puzzle piece!)
Do you follow people that share how long they took to achieve what they did?
Are you prepared to be in it for the long haul? Or want a quick fix?

I’m deeply committed to teaching others the benefits of pursuing their highest values because I’ve experienced how fulfilling it is and know the value it brings all of us if we do this. I have zero doubt about the purpose of what I share – whether in my writing, speaking, advising, or workshops – it’s to empower others to find their puzzle pieces – not follow others. Would you go on a treasure hunt and be happy there’s no treasure left after following someone else’s map?

The most exciting moment of my life always happens when I get a new piece of the puzzle – and take the first step on that path. I’m no longer constantly plagued by the anguish (it still pops up) that comes from trying to build my puzzle with someone else’s pieces. I still battle self-sabotage – but I’m kinder with myself as I master these ideas and keep pursuing what feels right, even in the face of steep ridicule or opposition.

Will you take the next step on your journey to living your purpose?

Want to Build Hope and Community with another Unique Ubuntu Challenge?

February 11, 2021

How would you like to look back on 2021?

As the year you explored ubuntu? As the year you created a healthy relationship with exercise? As a year you changed a child’s life by helping them learn to read? By changing someone’s life currently living in a shack? By Changing a communities capability to teach their children by building a school?

These are all possible.

It’s been quite an overwhelming year. I don’t know about you – but the sheer scale of death and economic hardship being experienced sometimes feels insurmountable.

And then I’m reminded about my challenge 3 years ago that 99.9% thought was insurmountable: Climbing a mountain every day for a year. With ‘Ubuntu’ as my guiding principle to create a more compassionate world – 744 people of all fitness levels joined me pushing their own capabilities in the process, and together we fundraised almost R1 million building a home for orphaned and vulnerable children; providing 12 of the poorest primary schools with literacy aids teaching children to read; and created 60 new donors with the Sunflower Fund to help them save lives.

My greatest lesson that year was what we can accomplish when we work together. It’s in that spirit that I have another challenge for us.

It’s called ‘50in50’.

Each week the challenge is to create the outline of each state in America tracking a walk/run/cycle across 50 Saturdays – and you can join! I don’t expect you to do it to scale! (Unless you’re Ryan Sands or Rich Roll in which case crack on) The outlines are the tricky parts as you’ll see below. I’ve decided to start this challenge on the 50^th day of the year: 19^th February 2021.

50 weeks may sound like a big commitment – but in reality the challenge isn’t about long we commit to something. The challenge is what we do today.

While the pandemic continues to affect the lives of so many, the importance of being healthy, having a bigger purpose to focus our energy on, and supporting each other in the process has never been more apparent. The aim is to build a community around what we can do & control our inputs even while external forces continually change and challenge us. We’re all in the same storm – we just using different boats. The way I see it, if you have space in your life raft, pulling one person in changes their life. This time I’ll be asking people to donate $50 aiding companies already doing great work to build our communities and make them stronger.

Where do these Ideas come from?

This inspiration is thanks to my friend Stephan Pieterse. His charity fundraiser, a biennial event ‘The Gratitude Run’, was hosted virtually instead of at their usual venue Lourensford Wine Estate in Somerset West. This gave me an opportunity to participate in New York, even though it’s 12 525km away. One of the 4 categories was ‘creative’ – so using my sports tracker to create a picture, I tried to create a heart with D4D in the middle (Their charity is called ‘Distance 4 Difference’). I shared this map with our friend here in New York and she exclaimed, “Oh that looks like the map of Ohio!”

Those 8 words made me ponder the fact there are 50 states – and two days later the question ‘what if I created an outline of each state?’ inspired my next ubuntu challenge. I’ve added another element just for some fun to see if I can climb the elevation gain of each state across the 50 weeks –a mere 93 967,7m or the equivalent of climbing the Empire State Building 365 times (No I won’t be climbing it every day, unless you have a contact for me to chat to about this??)

The best part about this challenge is just as you can join me from wherever you are – I can still complete my weeks challenge if I travel.

I’ll be going in order of each states ratifying the constitution of the union – starting with Delaware. Fun Fact: It’s the home state of the current sitting president Joe Biden (46^th) and he’s the first president to be elected from this state. It got its name in 1610, after the first governor of Virginia, Sir Thomas West, Lord De La Warr.

*The first state outline to be done on 19 February 2021*

Building Purpose into Each Step

The charities supported by the donations you can choose from are:

Habitat for Humanity (RSA or East Bay and Silicon Valley area) – building homes.
One Heart for Kids (RSA or New York) – building literacy.
Pencils of Promise (Africa or New York) – building schools.

50in50 isn’t just building community to support one another through unprecedented times, it’s building our discipline; our commitment to helping others; compassion for others circumstances; and last but certainly not least – a healthy habit that contributes to a strong immune system.

This challenge is for you IF:

You’re tired of making New years resolutions about health and/or exercise that evaporate by Valentines day.
You haven’t been severely affected financially by the pandemic and wish to help others out of their hole.
Want to use 2021 to create a milestone in your life of positive change.

Not only will it be fun to recreate each states map, but we’ll forever be changing the course of another human beings’ life. That’s priceless. I’ll be working closely with each charity to provide you with interesting facts about what your impact means to children finally getting a safe building to learn in; learning to read; or own their first home that has running water and their own toilet.

Rabbi Tarfon who lived almost 2000 years ago around 73CE said, ‘You are not obliged to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it.’ Covid has certainly shown me how we’re only as strong as our weakest link, and why it’s important to do what I can to empower others.

Understanding the essence of Ubuntu means working on two sides of the same coin: personal development & working together for the betterment of mankind. I Changed my definition of how to measure success to support this; to borrow Nelson Mandela’s words:

A beautiful part about this challenge is that, just like climbing a mountain, we all arrive at different levels of fitness – BUT – with consistency and perseverance we can track our progress as we travel through the various states creating our own United States of America.

There’s always strength in numbers so these are the ways to get involved and help:

You can pick a cause and donate.
Take part yourself and donate what you can (R50 or $50 a month is great!)
Take part and invite 1 other friend to join as an accountability partner.
Join and create your own team to represent your own state/city and see if you can finish top of the leader board.
Think of people who are looking for a supportive community to build a healthier lifestyle and/or want to empower others and share this with them.

I’ll finish how I started: how would you like to look back on 2021?

Anythings possible. I hope you’ll join me in making 2021 a year to remember (for all the right reasons!)

Head over here to register in 3….2…….1…….

To the Sign in Form!

How the Word “NEVER” became my most Interesting Teacher

January 28, 2021

Sets the tone for the 3 nevers that have become pillars of my life

Covids new world has forced me to go within. Usually when I’m faced with uncertainty my first instinct is to examine my past and explore learning’s that helped me get to where I am. I’m accustomed to sitting at the feet of my most painful moments and learn.

“Never” immediately jumps out at me. I’ve had three massive ‘nevers’ that all turned into life altering experiences.

I’m NEVER going to live in London…I’m NEVER going to live in Cape Town…I’m absolutely NEVER going to live in the USA…

The universe heard me and yelled ‘hold my beer’.

The very things I denounced – wrote off even – became my greatest teachers, ushering in a host of memories to last lifetimes.

These 3 ‘nevers’ have become core pillars in my life creating memories spanning 17 years. Things I never dreamed possible as a teenager; each one of them (if given the chance) would do again in a heartbeat.

Maybe you’re currently being poked with opportunities but ‘never’ is holding you back? Maybe this will help you rethink it.

Why would I want to leave South Africa’s perfect climate to live somewhere grey and miserable? I had zero desire to be like my cousins living in the UK, even though my gran is English giving me the opportunity to get an ancestral visa to live and work there for 5 years. My ‘never’ was based on limited knowledge – and yet I fiercely defended that I’d hate it.

Then my sister met Terence and I listened to his stories, in particular his travels around Europe.

Hmmmm – I did want to see Europe and earning £ not only trumps the Rand, but shaves 10 hours off a flight too!

Early in 2003 two months changed it all, I met a woman ‘fresh off the boat’ from the UK reinforcing Terence’s positive experiences immediately followed by my friend Jono deciding to move to London.

‘Why don’t you come across when you finish your degree? What do you have to lose?’

What did I have to lose?

This called for a weekend away in Mpumalanga driving four and a half hours to spend one night in an old train cabin. I loved long drives alone contemplating ‘the big life decisions’ of a 23 year old like this. The gorgeous scenery and music the perfect companions. Just quiet opportunity to experience my emotional reaction to this decision. Driving home I was leaning towards taking the leap, and the longer I thought about it my excitement grew.

‘I’m moving to London’

My two years not only turned me into a man, it built a bridge across the chasm ‘what if’ for all future instances.

‘Cape Town is where you go when you retire!’ I proclaimed nonchalantly.

Spoken like a true Joburger with zero experience of Cape Town. I lie – I spent a week there as a 10 year old. Fate introduced me to a woman from Cape Town while living in London. Suddenly it looked a whole lot more interesting than a retirement option. I didn’t want to be 80 years old in a rocking chair wondering ‘what if’… so once again I abandoned my ‘never’.

While that relationship ended painfully, the experience in a city with hardly any support revealed my inner strength and resilience.

13 years showed the value patience and time brings. Especially in building quality networks of friends. Cape Town is my spiritual home – with mountains, water and plenty of wine it has everything but skiing to be my perfect place on earth. Living in London made me think about what lifestyle I wanted to live. I thought I’d found it.

The iconic Table Mountain provided a life changing opportunity – it sparked an idea to become the first person to climb it every day for a year: testing me physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. It also became a platform to raise money and awareness for housing, literacy and health. This experience became everything I needed to confront my self-doubt and understand what I’m capable of – all while creating a community around making a difference in others lives.

Cape Town taught me how to be patient while relentlessly creating a world of purpose and meaning, while in service to others – the essence of ‘Ubuntu’.

AND it led me to another treasure – my wife.

Having visited the US in 2013 for my dear friend’s wedding, I was able to tick my 3^rd ‘must see’ city before I die: New York. (the others were Paris & Rome)

On this trip, while enamoured, felt no pull to ever emigrate to the US.

Enter Jessie in 2017 (then living in San Francisco) and after hitting it off, experienced her support for my climbs up Table Mountain all year (including 3 trips out totaling 2 months in South Africa) – learned first hand what her definition of commitment means through difficult times. It’s like voting between a politician that talks about what they’ll do – versus watching one with their sleeves rolled up doing what they say they’ll do.

Being in San Francisco with her and having opportunities to explore this incredible land has been mind blowing. Now we live in New York, with more opportunities to build networks to teach the power of ubuntu and the impact of following our intuition.

The US has shown me how global our village truly is, and that no matter our background – we all need help learning to navigate the challenges of life.

Why is ‘Never’ my most interesting teacher?

Never was a word I hid behind to avoid leaving my comfort zone.

17 years of memories and experiences from travel, friendships, work, personal growth, exercise, music, weather, world records, love, food, perspective, and cultures wouldn’t have happened by staying within my safety zone back in Johannesburg.

Never showed me what seems bad today, might be exactly what I need for beauty tomorrow.

I’ve stopped looking at things in isolation and search for the lessons instead. There are opportunities I cannot even fathom yet by being in New York – pandemic and lockdown aside – just being here creates avenues of potential I could only read about back in Cape Town.

Never has shown me the value in being present in my experience, but forward thinking enough to explore my challenge at a deeper level.

In a nutshell – behind ‘Never’ stands some of the greatest experiences of my life. If I listened to those nevers? I wouldn’t be the man I am today.

Those 17 years being pushed have taught me how much we need each other. I haven’t been able to accomplish anything without the support of others. Not everyone has the tools for deep introspection to really understand what drives them – and that’s why I’m grateful I studied numerology to provide those insights. It’s not the be all and end all; but from personal experience its acted as a tremendous rudder.

I interestingly came across this realisation from Rebel Wisdom in the UK on their website – We have to do the work ourselves, but we don’t have to do it alone. 

They’ve arrived at their own version of an African proverb if you want to fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

That’s Ubuntu right there.

No matter how much we think we progress, we keep coming back to ancient principles of togetherness. And that’s my next challenge: building a community of support. As we each journey inward re-imagining a new vision for our lives discovering what we’re capable of, we become living examples on how best to navigate the outside world in harmony with the planet – and each other.

Are you ready to discover what you’re made of? Why not start the conversation with the first person that comes to mind…

How to Convert New Years Resolutions into Every Day Solutions

January 13, 2021

*Enjoying a view on the way to the top at Crater Lake, Oregon*

Goal setting.

2021 is upon us and – no doubt – many think it hasn’t arrived soon enough.

I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through in 2020. My friend Astrid said it best; ‘We’re all in the same storm, we just have different boats’. Sums it up perfectly.

The new year brings with it optimism for new opportunities. A whopping 74% of Americans made resolutions. No surprise after the year we’ve had, 45.59% of the resolutions are improving health; while family as a category makes its debut with 24.7% (I also suspect due to the year we’ve had). I highly recommend reading Catherine Choi’s full article here which breaks down:

Resolution categories
Resolutions by generations
Likelihood they’ll be achieved (broken down by segments above)
Reasons for not achieving them.

It’s a great summary.

A dose of Reality

On average, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February. And only 8% will achieve them (Ref: www.thetimestribune.com)

So why is this still a thing?

I believe because we’ve been lied to. We’re told setting lofty goals is what will ‘change our lives’ (as if we need to wait until the new year starts too, to make that happen)

Stop waiting for a new year. Stop waiting for next week. Stop waiting for a better time.

Just. Stop. Waiting.

Without creating a clear understanding of what to do today, most attempts fail because the end point is made out to be the most important.

I’ll be happy when…. I’ll be successful when… I’ll be healthy when….(feel free to insert your relevant health, relationship, career, money, exercise goals appropriately)

My most valuable lesson learned while becoming the first person to climb Table Mountain every single day for a year:

The process IS the goal. Fall in love with the process, and you’ll enjoy the process as much as reaching your goal.

If the goal is to lose weight – falling in love with a healthy lifestyle will create that as a natural by-product. Much like plants don’t aim to make oxygen – they just want to grow using their inputs sunshine, water and carbon dioxide.

Practical steps to turn NY resolutions into Daily actions

Firstly, one of the most debilitating ruts – is being sucked in by technology. I think we can all agree the lock-downs have worsened this. Whether endless scrolling on social media or binging Netflix and YouTube videos, we’re left feeling unsatisfied and drained. The scary thing is we’ve been purposefully sucked in by companies competing for our attention because we’ve become the commodity. One of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself is learning how to use my phone – instead of it using me.

Becoming intentional means knowing what my problem is and who can solve my problem – that’s where NourishX’s Digital Balance online course comes in. Taking me through a step-by-step approach highlighting what the issues are (most of which I didn’t even realise!) and then providing simple solutions to take back control of my phone and ultimately my time – is a game changer. It’s helping me build healthy habits to lose that sinking feeling in my stomach about not having enough hours in the day. Instead of distracted I now feel nourished.

One of their greatest tools is how they work with me to build the habit gradually, which brings me to the next important point:

Sustainability. If one word sticks out in this piece, I hope that’s it. Defined as being able to maintain at a certain rate or level.

Therein lies the key: maintain.

Designing a lifestyle that fulfills you and leaves you energised and full of purpose each day is the goal yes? By focusing on what we love and wish we did more of, will naturally improve how we feel.

Losing weight has a finite point; but then what? That is an infinite challenge, which explains how you can reach it and still be unhappy (or not as happy as you’d hoped) and then what? Step 1 is making sure we match an infinite challenge (mindset) with an infinite approach (actions).

It’s a simple concept. But who ever said simple was easy? Step 2 is having the awareness and deep introspection to understand what drives and engages us to pursue infinite actions. Another reality dose: Even when you know exactly what you love doing and pursue it – there will be challenges and it’s hard.

It’s why falling in love with the process is critical. Mindset trick: To keep that internal flame burning infinitely, start seeing challenges as fuel for the fire, instead of an anchor.

Create your perfect day which is sustainable as you move through life and grow. Building discipline with sustainable habits means you can progressively increase your effort.

Some questions I constantly use to help me:

What am I capable of?
What am I made of?
What are my philosophies that act as my guiding principles?
When do I want to be filled with joy, now or sometime in the future?
What did I learn from my last challenge?

Our life is a journey – fall in love with exploring your process today.

Final reality check: if you thought the answer to your problems lay at the end of this post, NOPE, this is the first step in building your awareness. Now you need to decide what lifestyle you want and start actively pursuing it every day injecting purpose into your actions and being relentless in your execution.

Take today to reflect on all the challenges you’ve overcome to make it this far. Doesn’t that fill you with pride? That same strength exists to tackle what sets your soul on fire. Now is the time to pursue that with passion and relentless energy.

Do you need help creating what that looks like? Reach out to me here and let’s chat.

It’s one day at a time, step by step.

How to Unlock Self-Doubt’s greatest Gift

May 13, 2020

A gift from self-doubt? I hear you ask suspiciously. I know! Who knew right?! If you’re like me, then you’ve probably been plagued by self-doubt in your life. That’s 40 years’ worth of struggle for me. Frankly, I’m over it.

Let me take you through the events that unlocked it for me.

Self-Doubt’s icy grip

Self-doubt’s frustrating. I get a great idea, only for that little gremlin to arrive and keep poking me, “Are you sure you want to do that?”

It doesn’t take long for it to call back-up: its wicked stepmother fear.

Fear’s that dark room with a supposed grizzly monster waiting to do unthinkable things to me.

But when has that ever happened??? The worst parts I mean. I’m still here. I haven’t lost any limbs to monster fear activity.

It makes sense that my DNA is encoded with the fight or flight response to being outside of my comfort zone. In the stone age being alive meant what I was doing was working – and stepping out the cave jeopardised that.

No matter how many times I rationalise this though, it doesn’t stop self-doubt from creeping in. Ever.

So, what can I do??

Unlocking the gift

There is hope. I recently enforced an 11 day ‘silent retreat’ while on our stay home order in New York. This was the result of attending NourishX’s ‘digital balance’ course and seeing how much I use my phone each day and how quickly that time becomes a full month out of the year. Throw in a bombardment of news from every angle about COVID-19 and quite frankly, I’d had enough.

I needed a mental break away from the barrage of fear being pushed into the world.

It was exactly what I needed.

The break gave my mind the freedom to explore ideas like self-doubt from a place of love without distraction, to analyse it’s recurring role in my movie.

It was only on the Tenth evening that I wrote this epiphany in my reflections before bed:

‘We can’t remove self-doubt – it’s ALWAYS going to nag us – like our moms to pick our clothes up off the floor. They only stop nagging when we take action and pick up the clothes! It’s not the self-doubt (nagging mom) that’s the problem, it’s the inaction that is’

Mind. BLOWN.

Jesus only took 40 days in the dessert. I took 40 years…

Jokes aside, I’m incredibly grateful to understand this at such a young age.

I re-framed my understanding of self-doubt and realised it’s not something to overcome: it’s a guide, a neon sign shining ‘THIS WAY’.

How crazy is that???

Fear and self-doubt are actually here to show me the way.

That’s their gift – they confirm I’m on the right path.

What I love about this revelation, is it reinforces all the ancient wisdom around flowing with life, not forcing it.

Think about it. Who ‘wins’ in any battle?

Good versus evil. Man versus woman. Beach versus ocean.

Self-doubt isn’t something to overcome – but rather understand and use.

Instead of succumbing to it, I’m learning to pause and reflect realising:

The bigger the doubt, the greater the growth waiting on the other side of taking action.

It’s about the Journey

Since my teenage years, I strive to improve, grow and learn. I was aiming for a specific point I was supposed to reach before serving others.

The question at the center was always ‘why am I here?’

That’s a pretty broad (never mind daunting) question, implying something to reach waaaaaaaay in the distance.

It was only while climbing the stairs in our building training for my next challenge that I had a better question enter my head:

‘What am I made of?’

I tell you, it was like fireworks went off in my brain! Such a simple question to constantly push me to do my best now. Whatever I learn, will be carried into my next challenge I create to face; or the bigger ones like a world-wide shutdown.

This was first taught to me climbing Table Mountain every day for a year and I’m happy to report – the lessons were learned! I know this because my gratitude and enjoyment happened every day – and not when I completed it. It happened along the entire path – and not just at the top.

This taught me why someone can experience depression or a lack of fulfillment when completing a goal.

The goal doesn’t bring fulfillment, appreciating the growth along the way does.

I have a bonus secret to share:

Whatever idea you have that sets your soul on fire? Everything you need to achieve it is already inside you. It won’t magically be given to you once you complete it, as though a queen appears to knight you.

I’m picking the clothes up off the floor now without being shouted at.

I hope you do too.

If you want more information on the Digital Balance Course click HERE

4 Surprising Tips from Navy Seal Training for Surviving Sacred Seclusion

April 15, 2020

Almost half the worlds population is under some form of ‘stay at home’ order. By definition, anytime we’re ‘forced’ to do something, it’s harder than if we’d chosen it. We do have a secret weapon though to defeat any obstacle in our path: the ability to learn.

Why not learn from the best then? Listening to an interview with retired Navy Seal Andy Stumpf recently, he shared some insights into Navy Seal training new to me. As trainee and trainer, he’s uniquely positioned to understand what it takes to make it through.

Navy Seal training or BUDs (Basic Underwater Demolition) is some of the most grueling in the world – it’s difficult to find definitive numbers but it looks like only 6% of men that enter this training complete it. Considering there’s only about a 3% difference in physical capabilities, there’s clearly something else that separates those that complete the training – from those that drop out.

I’m immediately drawn in by his humility as, while trying to make sense of the corona situation, he states:

‘I’m not an expert at all, uh – probably on anything in my life. But one thing I have experience in, is surviving and thriving in high risk situations with high stress… the most dangerous thing you can do, is lose control of your emotions or let your emotions take over your decision making cycle’

‘We need to start talking about we more than me’

That is the sentence that perked me up and primed me for the wisdom that followed.

Here are the 4 biggest lessons I took away from his chat

Focus on what’s in your control

The training’s designed to teach recruits to let go of things outside of their control and to focus on what’s within their control.

Things outside my control right now is the virus and government responses. Which is probably why you reading this at home. No real choice there; but we do have choice over how we decide to view staying at home.

‘I’m being forced to stay home’ versus ‘I can stay safe at home’ is a vastly different mindset.

Did you notice the title? I used ‘Sacred Seclusion’ instead of Lock down. Language is important and I loved that term I heard yesterday.

While at home we have the choice to consume 4000 extra calories or find innovative new ways to exercise at home. It’s easy to sit on the couch and watch movies all day, but it’s just as easy to choose to learn a new language, start researching how to build an online business – write that book you’ve always wanted to. It’s in your control.

I suggest using the time you’d normally commute to work as your time to build a new habit.

As Mandela lived – ‘use your time wisely, you have a limited time on earth’

PRO TIP: Break the ‘difficult’ goal into the simplest action it takes to start. The scary prospect of writing a whole book becomes easy when starting with ‘write a sentence’. Starting an exercise regime becomes ‘get dressed in active wear and do 1 sit up’.

2. Keep your world small

This resonated with me because it’s what I used to complete my challenge to climb Table Mountain in Cape Town every day for a year. I was forced to think of a way that didn’t overwhelm me. A whole year?? Yeah that can freak me out a bit. One day at a time – step by step? I can manage that.

Put yourself in the shoes of a student in BUDs. You’re in a constant world of pain with no idea of what’s coming next. I can only imagine how debilitating that must be when day one is hell – and there’s another 179 days ahead. You’re just trying to survive.

It was as an instructor that Andy saw the story arc of what was happening and why they did this – it’s a physical test for sure: but they’re using the body to test the mind.

When guys quit as a student they disappear. As an instructor he was able to question them.

‘Why? You said this was your lifelong goal it’s all you ever wanted to do. Why?’

‘I got overwhelmed’

They did the opposite of keeping their world small.

There’s two ways to look at BUDs: it’s 180 days; or a sunrise and a sunset – 180 times. Think about how quickly our world changed and how many weeks have passed already. At the time of writing this its April already. You can keep your mind strong by adopting this principle.

The ultimate test in BUD’s is ‘hell week’ and this is where that principle gets drilled down even further. Already four weeks into training, it starts on Sunday evening and ends Friday afternoon with only 2 hours sleep on Wednesday. Most guys who quit, do so before Tuesday.

‘Don’t look at it as five days. Just make it to your next meal – they have to feed you every six hours.’

Stacking six hours on another six hours and focusing on the next meal – no matter how much pain or cold you’re in – gets you to that next meal which is a reprieve and mental reset to continue.

Makes sacred seclusion look like Christmas every day!

Stressed, tired, hungry, hypothermia, exhaustion induced hallucinations – these extreme conditions allow the instructors to strip away all the layers of ego, revealing who has one important quality.

3. We over Me

This is tested immediately, everyone’s assigned a swim buddy you can’t be more than six feet away from at any time. Suddenly, you’re ordered ‘go swim!’ and forget about the buddy dashing off. That inevitably leads to being punished for leaving him behind and the buddy gets punished too.

They’re being taught there’s penalties for forgetting him and other people suffer consequences by the way you act.

Slowly but surely – two weeks builds ‘we’ and not me until it becomes ingrained. BUD’s is not about finding the fittest men alive; it’s about finding the ones that can work together as a team. You don’t want to be in the most high pressure stressed environment second guessing the person next to you.

Right now we’re in a ‘we instead of me’ training camp – only we’re separated in our homes. We’re seeing how important our own actions can be, when collectively done together. Imagine what other social challenges we can collectively tackle when combining forces like this? Some people want to put out petitions to government to open up alcohol sales again while others are turning their homes or businesses into factories to make protective gear for health care workers.

Do they feed the Navy Seals alcohol? Here’s another important component about staying home we must learn from them:

The BEST Me, Empowers We

I agree that the training is set up to ingrain a ‘We’ mentality – but the truth is it’s done in conjunction with developing the best me. They’re not mutually exclusive.

This is the philosophy I follow – How do I develop the best Me to serve We?

No matter how we feel – we’re all in this uncertain time together. Some only allowed to leave home for groceries. Some at home but allowed to move freely, some are terrifies about where their next meals coming from not being able to work but essentially our home has become our world. We’ve all just entered our own BUD’s training, except it’s not voluntary.

So what if you flip it round to pretend this is voluntary?

Next, let’s be positive expecting the best but preparing for the worst. Say this ‘home time’ lasts until June 30 – that’s 77 days away at the time of writing – or sunrise and sunset; 77 times. The days wrack up just as quickly whether we do something – or nothing.

Great news though – all you have to think about is today.

Meditation, Exercise, Learning, Researching, whatever your new habit. All it takes is a decision to start and incorporate it into your daily life. Then suddenly you’ll find yourself 22 days into a habit of meditating five minutes every day; exercising three weeks in a row – and feeling better equipped to handle stress.

Resilience is your ability to get bent and come back better than before. What a wonderful opportunity this is to apply that resilience to your goal from a digestible perspective – and you’ll be well on your way to achieve an insane amount.

Can you ignore the big and focus on the small? And not get overwhelmed no matter what the news says? The best you is exactly what We need.

4. Make it a Priority

A habit you prioritize is kept through consistency. Even the fittest Navy Seals can go off the rails once their service ends.

It’s far easier to build smaller daily consistent actions than try a couple big sessions a week. Just think about the reverse – we pick up weight at a rate unnoticeable because we slowly but surely do less and less, and eat more and more.

Our lifestyles pre coronavirus have been put under a microscope. We have the time now to objectively evaluate what is working and what isn’t. Then the plan we put in place should be for a sustainable lifestyle, so if you’re training during your usual commute to the office – don’t give it up when you start again. You’ve built the habit, now keep making it a priority.

While many of us will experience the pain of losing a loved one and cannot be ignored – the rest of us are being given the gift of using our homes as a cocoon.

I hope you emerge a magnificent butterfly.

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Renaissance Guy

We Change the World, by Changing Our Own.

Category: Transformation